The Obsidian Order: 1 Year In - a Completely Unbiased Retrospective Essay of 100% Truthiness

[Sargun]

THE CREATION MYTH

 

ONE YEAR AGO TODAY, i think:

 

https://politicsandwar.com/forums/index.php?/topic/8719-the-obsidian-accords/

 

A year ago, the great Infinite Citadel had in his glorious and unending mind was finding that we needed to find a way to get out of being considered T$'s lapdogs.  So, in an effort to do so, he recruited T$'s then-greatest ally in BK and said let's ally.  I don't know how this made sense.

 

Anyway, I remember sitting down at the time and going "wow, this is a union of one semi-competent alliance, one competent alliance, and a real bunch of shitheads, and all this is going to do is make us even more dependent on T$ to fill in the blanks when it comes time" to do it.  Turns out, I was right, because In-Gen was awful 

 

Anyway, the way IC explained to me to get me to come onto the idea was this:

 

"We the People of the United States, in Order to form a more perfect Union, establish Justice, insure domestic Tranquility, provide for the common defence, promote the general Welfare, and secure the Blessings of Liberty to ourselves and our Posterity, do ordain and establish this Constitution for the United States of America.

 

"You see those brave words, Sargun?  You see how they instill you with power and managed to make a group of ragtag states whole enough to become the greatest superpower in the history of man? 

 

"That's all bullshit.  We suck.  Nothing about our membership inspires tranquility, I'm pretty sure half our membership just got triggered into an epileptic fit at the mention of the word "welfare", and to be honest we're going to have to get bailed out of every war we fight for the next year."

 

so I replied to IC, "what? then why are we signing this shit then?"

 

and IC replied,

 

"Because we'll be able to make our own way in the world, Sargun.  Even if it means losing along the way."

 

I'm pretty sure only that last line is anywhere close to the actual truth of the matter.

 

OUR PERFORMANCE

 

Let me be very clear here, the OO is basically TKR and friends.  Don't get me wrong, BK is great, but they're only the #3 AA in Orbis.  Maybe one day they'll be #2 like TKR, but until then they'll just have to take a seat and let the dank memes flow because apparently it's too hard to write up a GODDAMN 1 YEAR ANNIVERSARY POST WHICH MEANS I DO IT AT THE LAST SECOND

 

So let's go back one year:

 

In September of 2015 (holy shit 2015 a year ago? !@#$ i'm old), we signed OO: TKR, BK, and uh ingen or NK or whatever

 

In October of 2015, we collectively kick the asses of The Covenant, and by The Covenant I mean DEIC and UPN although tbh that's basically the entire covenant because they're the only notable alliances in there

 

though not really anymore, because neither of those people are relevant a year later

 

October also includes us kicking the shit out of BoC - but I'll get to that later

 

In November, I'm pretty sure everyone surrendered to us and we became the best bloc on orbis

 

FAST FORWARD to February of 2016: TKR singlehandedly defeats Rose, UPN, and pre-emptively gets declared on by VE in order to spare BK getting hit by VE.  we're the best allies, I know.  BK comes in and shits on TLF, CF, and then post-emptively hits VE, although really we all know what actually happened and they were just jealous

 

We end up winning, because of course we do.  OO is unbeatable.  also shoutout to strum for his dank american history references

 

FAST FOR-- wait, no, just next month: a few of us start signing treaties with BoC.  turns out that stockholm syndrome can lead to relationships, and BoC's furious ass-!@#$ing had them still calling us "daddy" a few months later so we decided to cut them in on the action

 

Then a month later, NK makes the worst decision in the history of orbis and leaves OO, making us pound for pound significantly the most competent bloc in history

 

two months later, in June, some bullshit happens and somehow TKR has to choose between T$ and Strum's sweet, sweet ass or NPO and their angsty emo weeaboo schemes.  we chose the snakes in the grass and the ayys in the lmaos, and go for VE/UPN ROUND TWO: ELECTRIC BOOGALOO. this upsets many people from losing alliances like rose, leaving me to determine retroactively that we made the best possible decision.

 

then, in august, in what is imo the greatest-named war ever, TKR and BoC teamed up for the not-quite OO but still counts Stop Online Piracy Act, kicking Roz Wei and Arrgh's shit in.

 

finally, in september, OO is just minding our own business when in a typical Rose move, they leak a blitz early and hit TKR in such a devastation fashion that we managed to kick their ass and beat them for a second time. UPN, NPO, and HBE somehow get their collective shit together to hit BK in such a devastating fashion that BK managed to kick their ass and beat them again.  NAC and DEIC pile onto TKR, which almost made sense except for the part where they lost again.  then polaris gets in on the BK action. lmao right, like polaris even did anything.  BoC comes in and hits NPO, which I think sums up OO's involvement in this war, at least for all the alliances that are notable.

 

SO

 

To sum it up: 

 

 

We won in October

We won in February

We won in June

We won in August

We won in September

 

Twelve years, four members, five fights, and five wins.  These are the numbers that sum up the Obsidian Order, and the numbers that will hopefully define us for another year.

 

also we really need a new flag because that shit was made in like mspaint and it looks awful

 

tl;dr for strum:

 

Happy birthday, Obsidian Order.  Here's to another.

 

[Yosodog]

Oh my god this is !@#$ awesome.

 

o/ OO - The best bloc to ever live

 

Also, OO's anthem:

 

Edited September 21, 2016 by Yosodog

[Dalinar]

This IC guy sounds great!

 

On a serious note, it's been a hell of a ride OO!

[Kelson]

You're still a lapdog.

[Eumirbago]

All we do is win fam

 

Onwards to staying undefeated :3

[Sargun]

Oh my god this is !@#$ awesome.

 

o/ OO - The best bloc to ever live

 

dude I'm at work waiting on my annual review from my boss and I was inspired by that actually lmao

 

This IC guy sounds great!

 

On a serious note, it's been a hell of a ride OO!

 

I agree; you should see what our members are saying in our anonymous survey.  I think at least three have wet dreams about that sexy man.

[Foltest]

This is a neat post.

[Josh Freer]

Hawt

 

o/ OO!

[Doktor Avalanche]

So, Obsidian Order is a Bloc?

[Dark Specter]

i love it

[Spaceman Thrax]

You're one year older, one year wiser

Rock and roll star, king, czar, and a kaiser

A roomful of friends, a mouthful of cake

Every present is for you, and it feels pretty great

You're the men of the hour, the V.I.P.

You get the first slice, of the P-I-E

But first blow out the candles, and make a wish

Put a smile on, cause it's your birthday !@#$!

 

Edited September 21, 2016 by Manthrax

[Milord]

Happy birthday OO.

[Sargun]

You're still a lapdog.

 

 

 

looks like a good gig to me

[Bezzers]

I'd say kicking our shit in was an understatement. You kicked the shit out of our shit. It hurt. But bby what doesnt kill you only makes you stronger, I see it was out of love. OO is the shit, and we're proud to be here.

#Ipreferstrumsbootytoclarkes

[emperorpenguin]

Happy Birthday to us.

 

 

 

And this post was amazing.

[Prefonteen]

I love it when my puppets feign sovereignty

[Kastor]

Meh

 

I'll have more respect for you when you cancel on tS. You guys are pretty solid though I can't lie.

 

o/ OO

[Sargun]

I love it when my puppets feign sovereignty

 

TKR's reaction when we find out we're still partisan's lapdogs

[Hooves]

Obligatory get drunk and freak out party gif for OO?

 

Nah anime gifs.

 

[Lordship]

Champions of the wOOrld!!!!!!!

 

o/ OO

Edited September 21, 2016 by Lordship

[Buorhann]

You're one year older, one year wiserRock and roll star, king, czar, and a kaiserA roomful of friends, a mouthful of cakeEvery present is for you, and it feels pretty greatYou're the men of the hour, the V.I.P.You get the first slice, of the P-I-EBut first blow out the candles, and make a wishPut a smile on, cause it's your birthday !@#$!

 

 

Awwwwwwww yeah.

 

[Buorhann]

I swear to god you kids better know what Sealab 2021 is.

[Spaceman Thrax]

I swear to god you kids better know what Sealab 2021 is.

 

Don't even bother man.

 

Same !@#$ers who will tell you about Archer tho.

[WarriorSoul]

Meh

 

I'll have more respect for you when you cancel on tS. You guys are pretty solid though I can't lie.

 

o/ OO

Recent events seem to have disincentivized such a move, don't you think?

[Rozalia]

Some serious booty shaking going on in here.