On this day, which has been hallowed since yesterday, we anoint ourselves with ceremonial spacetallow and go on chemical-assisted journeys across the cosmos.
We offer you the gift of Spacemas, the holiday that you can celebrate by just kinda doing whatever, then deciding it’s holy. Our commune’s members wish you swift solar winds, and have been diligently carrying out the holy rites throughout the past year:
Seb has been covering his nude body with powdered gold, and then rolling about in a pile of defunct currencies.
Albus Dumbledore has been spoiling books for children.
Ripper has been quietly expanding his family of Greek warriors, and carefully watching his calendar for some reason that is probably totally benign.
Cazaric has been admiring his own body inside his newly completed mirrored wangcube.
Azrimalos has been teaching his kids the TRUE meaning of Christmas (pain).
Gideon Lorr is retrieving church relics from the compound mystery spot.
Critters has been buying an altogether unreasonable amount of ammunition, and designing Bo’s all-hippy diet.
Redarmy has been absorbing government cynicism and redecorating his festive gulag.
Goomy has been just generally being more sane than anyone else in the Church, which is disconcerting in itself.
Spaceman Thrax has found a new kind of adhesive to huff for the holiday season.
W has been boycotting Spacemas because he doesn’t like the regional dub.
Utz has been decorating his truck with a festive napalm launcher.
Joe Stupid has been contemplating the nature of stupidity, and making his peace with the venerable, volcano-dwelling imbecile spirits.
Bloody Boatmen has been staying with the bloody boat.
Nietzschelloo has been preparing the butt roast, which is just a butt.
Snuffles has been pooping all over the yard.
Katie has been g8, tbh, unlike BOYS (rme, smh).
Captain Bezzers has been literally simulating the deaths of everyone else on this list.
CPT Nixon has been stockpiling bacon for the new year.
Ichabod Crane is continuing his one-man war against modernity.
TheSnipe has been taunting Hades’ soul and celebrating his final victory.
Lene Hau has upped her toll rates as the villagers begin to catch on.
Black Rook is more than prepared for this stupid year to finally die.
Syrano is quietly plotting his revenge.
Master Antony is spending more time in his skull garden.
Burnchurch has been wondering when he is old enough to get his share of wisdom, and assuring the rest of us his name is just a cheerful homage.
Abbas Mehdi is celebrating another year of no one figuring out who put Xenu up to it.
Maia has been decorating the Spacemas vestibule with cheerful blood splatters.
Bradley Davis has been hiding in his shell and not escorting scorpions.
Torshiro Mifune is bringing Uncle’s word to the heathen people of Saturn.
Jack is hunting down his doppelgangers for a climactic showdown.
Luke is currently between universes, and cannot take your call.
Steuart Geharon is fitting in way too well, and it’s frightening.
Packanimal is saving up to finance another round of name changes.
Lord of Puns is trying to figure out how you make a pun out of a holiday that is already a totally made up word.
Malinok swears the place looked like that when he got here.
Vexz better celebrate, or we’ll never let her out of the basement.
Ezio Auditore has been wondering why he got himself into this.
Happy Spacemas, from our family to yours!
TL:DR: Hope everyone's having a good holiday season! Also: goofy stuff.