Now that KT is all warmed up and the audience all hyped up, it's time for the main event!
In every life well lived, there comes a time when one finds occasion to visit the old places that are tied to fond memories with old friends. As I check my calendar to make plans for the weekend, to my horror, I discover that today is Friday the 13th. But being above superstition, I know that nothing could possibly go wrong. Thus, I resolve to visit the last place our merry monke horde saw fit to settle down, before resuming our endless pilgrimage: An upstart cow farM we remembered as not only welcoming, but also prosperous, promising, and destined for great things. Sure, they seemed a bit obsessed with the size of the "cows" of some grumpy whale farm and felt inadequate about their own size. Sure, they were a bit paranoid about global conspiracies and always expected to be the target of their wrath. Sure, they took their farMing just a little bit too seriously. But after all this time, I figure, they must've really come into their own and asserted themselves. So I set out and imagine all the wondrous possibilities of what I might find there today.
When I arrive, at first I am a little perplexed. The farM looks just the same as I remembered, except that the cows had grown even fatter. But these cows aren't buff, they're just fat - even their evil grumpy whale nemesis had more muscle and less blubber. What is going on here? So I walk the farMstead, stepping over old memes - ones that I remember - scattered haphazardly across the ground. Every time I see a cow with a familiar face, I stop to ask them: "What have you done in the last 6 months? Why has nothing changed? When will you do all those great things we dreamed and talked about?" Often, I only get simple dismissive answers such as "moo", "I f***ed your mom :serious:" or "farming good". But a clear pattern emerges in the more elaborate answers: "After the next war..." These cows seem to be trapped in a self-perpetuating psychosis of some sort.
In disbelief, I query the neighbouring villages. They all tell the same story, that absolutely nothing has happened on that farM this year, except the departure of a few prominent cows who still seemed to think more-or-less straight. And anyone who ventured there to inquire about their plans got the same answers I did. I begin to wonder. What is this mythical "next war" these cows both desperately await before making any new decisions, but at the same time are so afraid of? Why have they not once sallied forth on their own to bring war upon their enemies, or even to seek out new opportunities?
How could this problem ever be resolved?
Once again, KT has to do the desperately needed community service. And I'm the proverbial man with only a hammer.
SIC SEMPER PIXELHUGGRIS!