Book of Dio: Chapter 1

[LordRahl2]

Instructions

1. Open the book
2. Wash your hands
3. Turn the page
4. Read
5. Repeat step 2-5 until the end of the book.
6.  ???
7. PROFIT!

 

CHAPTER 1

The Genesis

 

In the ancient times, there was nothing but sand. Sand randomly evolving without time or space.

First Day

On the first day, particles of sand randomly formed a shape. Through conscious or unconscious choices of the sand, Dio was born.

There was nothing but the sand and Dio knew everything and could do everything through it.

Second Day

On the second day, Dio spoke and said "ZA WARUDO". And the sand moved and ZA WARUDO was created. And Dio felt good.

Third Day

On the third day, Dio took some sand of the newly formed ground and made the first Paki, Falcon.

Falcon opened his eyes and knew nothing, for he was not a god - but a Pakistani. And he saw and felt the sand. And Falcon was happy.

Fourth Day

On the fourth day, Dio mixed the sand and created everything that was good : Deserts, Mountains, Rocks, Heavy weapons and finally, he created Pakistan, a land where the best sand was everywhere. A pure and golden sand, warm and shiny.

Fifth Day

Falcon looked and was amazed by the beauty of Pakistan. Dio said : "thou arest the very first Pakistani and you will be knowneth hath the GURETO VEEZARU of Pakistan". And Falcon did not understand for everything was perfect and needed no ruler. Dio knew already what would happen.

Sixth Day

On the sixth day Falcon tried to imitate Dio, for he was made to look like him, but Falcon could not bring life to the sand and he looked sad.

Dio wished no manly tears for Falcon and he put Falcon to sleep. Took a bit of sand from him, and used less pure sand to form all the first Pakistanis. At the end of the process, there was no more pure golden sand and Dio used some bad sand to create the last of the Pakistanis. This last Pakistani did so many horrible things that he is no longer called by his name, and it is forbidden to say its name out loud. Instead, Pakistani will use "The Unspoken One" or another disambiguation.

Seventh Day

On the seventh day, there was a partay with sand, pakigirl and everything. Everyone was happy and danced for Dio, everyone except for the unspoken one - for he had the seeds of evil in him. And he wanted to be Dio, but he had lust and misplaced pride. He was sad and felt like he was no Pakistani. He had not the gold and shiny of all the other Pakistanis.

Dio and all the other Pakistanis knew that, but tried not to reject him. They treated him like a fellow Pakistani and gave him sand. The seed of evil could not grow - for the sand was protecting him.

And for years, Falcon, the unspoken one, and everyone else lived well.

Dio was happy and said "These times shalt be knoweth as 'the peace' and this is how ZA WARUDO shouldeth and musteth always be."

The Pakistanis always cheered for Dio, but as they went to seek him the next morning, he had disappeared.

[Fox Fire]

Heathen! There is but one God! And God is the Sheep!

[Dr Rush]

Sheep god has no holy text. 

[LordRahl2]

CHAPTER 2

Iran, Indonesia and Spain

 

Without Dio's help, all the Pakistanis were very stressed and did not feel good. These were dark times for this was the first time Dio disappeared.

Falcon was the only one which had sense, and so he told the Pakistani people not to worry and to wait for his return. Dio had to protect the whole galaxy and universe, and retrieve the precious golden sand.

Everyone felt reassured by these words, but as years passed Dio still not returned. The-man-that-does-not-deserve-a-name had no longer access to the top quality sand for there wasn't much left, and all the sand was kept to help the weak and the olds.

And he-without-name began to spread the word that Dio was still on ZA WARUDO but no longer in Pakistan, that everyone had to look for them. He took three men that were once very well-known.

The First

The first of them was Isnuwardana, the courageous and the brave. He was well respected, and headed south. He formed the greatest of all nations, Indonesia, where life was happy for years and through time, went everywhere in the world, including the current USA, Canada and all of the east Asian and American continents.

The Second

The second was Izirbat, the good and the generous. He was not created by Dio himself but had parents of great lineage. The Unspoken One followed him to the west. But as soon as they left Dio's sight, Izirbat was betrayed by the Unspoken One and Western Pakistan was befouled. The followers of The Unspoken One became violent and menacing whilst the followers of Izirbat were good and did not want to spill blood. The Unspoken one usurped Izirbat and later transformed West Pakistan into Iran.

The Third

The third to leave was Taguaro, a timid man with dark aspirations. He payed henchmen which would do everything for him. He wanted fame and power and tried to look for Dio everywhere to kill him (fool that he was!), and to ensure his domination over ZA WARUDA. His people would be known as Spaniards. Not all of them were evil, but they grew to lust for gold. They installed themselves in western Europe and their country is now known as Spain. There are many Spaniards in all of Europe. Especially in the United Kingdom, which was an ancient Spaniard colony.

Dispersed and weakened, Pakistan was nearly dead due to the Unspoken One. Falcon was able to stand strong for all the remaining pakistanis.

Years passed and Dio's name began to fade. Only in Pakistan was it still strong and warm. All other countries had forgotten of him.

[Big Brother]

Heresy!

 

Orbis has no room for Dioist scum!

[LordRahl2]

CHAPTER 4

Exodus

 

After the sand-filled continents were parted by the waters, and the oceans divided the people of Pakistan, the world was in danger. The Pakistani's only way to succeed in the fight against evil was to unite in the holy land.

It was in the moment of his message to the Pakistani people, that Dio Brando, our lord, became one with the universe. Through the universe he spoke to the people that betrayed him and the holy land.

Spaniards

He spoke to the Spaniards:

  “ You have forsaken me. You have forsaken the sand. You have forgotten your roots and you have done unto to our people, because of this you will be the only people that will suffer this curse. For as long as you will live, you will wear large hats and eat paella. You will lisp and suffer from unemployment. I have spoken! â€

And as these words had left our father's mouth, it had become upon the Spaniards as Dio foretold them. They wore ridiculous hats, and could only eat paella. They tried to warn the other nations, but they could not - as every word was lisped, and only understandable amongst their kind. They tried to sell themselves in their despair, but they could not, as they were even unemployed in prostitution.

Iranians

Then our lord set forth to the Iranians and spoke to them:

  “ You, Iranians, will suffer horribly. Your leader has plotted against us and conspired. He shall die a thousand deaths once true rule has come upon your country. Until the Iranian salvation arrives, your land will be poisoned with corruption, distrust, and hate. The Unspoken One has poisoned your people and he will continue to poison them until you rid yourselves of the anti-Dio. Seek salvation and you will be free from this curse. â€

And as these words had left our leader's mouth, it has became upon the Iranians as Dio foretold them. There was corruption in the lands, distrust and hate. The people were robbed, the women abused, and all the rights of a free man were ignored and trampled with feet. The Unspoken One continued to poison his followers without remorse or mercy.

Indonesians

When he was done, the lord set forth to the brothers of Pakistan and spoke to them:

  “ You, Indonesians, are truly blessed peoples. You have yet to see the true light of passion, but you have not forgotten your heritage. Follow this path of righteousness and truth, this path of faith and forgiveness, and you will be blessed and will share the wealth of the sand. However, should you not abide the path, then the pains upon your peoples will be great. Do not forget your past, as it influences your future. It is the manifestation of your destiny. â€ The Exodus

And when he was done, our lord became one with the universe again. All-seeing, all-knowing, he is within each of us. He is part of every living soul, he is part of every living entity, he is part of the air, the fire, the water, and the sand. He is everything. The path to the light is within all of us - within ourselves we find salvation. Within ourselves we find Dio Brando if we open our minds and hearts.

As the people of the vast lands of Pakistan had realized that they had to venture to the holy lands, they set forth. The exodus had begun. Pakistanis from all over the world wandered to the holy lands - the pure sand dunes of Pakistan. The land where everything had begun.

The wanderers were plentiful, many a man became one with the sand, but this only strengthened those that that carried on. It took the people of Pakistan from the various colonies and lands 40 days and 40 nights to pass all toils and defeat all hurdles until the last Pakistani could reach Pakistan, the holy land.

It was there on Mount Peacemoar that the people gathered. It was on that mountain that a man preached before the Pakistanis. He saw the people and spoke:

Blessed are those, who are poor of mind; for theirs is salvation.

Blessed are those, that suffer; for they shall be comforted.

Blessed are those, that are gentle; for they will own the sand.

Blessed are those, that hunger and thirst for justice; for they shall be filled.

Blessed are those, that are pure of heart; for they will see Dio.

Blessed are those, that are peaceful; for they will be Dio's children.

Blessed are those, that are followed for being just; for theirs is salvation.

And it was with these words that this man spoke to the people, a mortal manifestation of purity and justice, peace, and love.

A man known as Commisirro El Cigad.

[Delyruin]

Is there no chapter three?

[b hunter]

Where's Chapter 3? Is it censored ? 

[Spite]

Glory to Dio!

[Dan77]

I'm just glad this is still a Bobloist free zone.

[LordRahl2]

chapter 3 may have been lost due to a dispute with the awesomly powerful and holy mods of this public forum or due to some incompotancy of me, your humble servant.  Such things are unknown.  What is known is that Dio is love.

 

The Swedes

 

It was in December that Dio returned to Pakistan. He came from the highest mountain in Tibet and jumped down to Islamabad. At his arrival, everyone was crying manly joy tears and had their faces on the ground, blessing Dio's name, again and again.

The Return of Dio

And Dio smiled, raised his hands, and said " PRIDE, POWER, PAKISTAN ". Everyone was raging tears of happiness and all said "PRIDE, POWER, PAKISTAN". Falcon was the most affected, and manly, but not homosexually, kissed Dio.

The news began to spread, first to Indonisia then to Iran, but it reached Sain last. Indonisia swiftly showed Dio all the miracles they had accomplished, and Dio was pleased - for Indonesia was growing every day, and very progressively reached Australia.

Dio then moved to Iran where The Unspoken One had made his nation grow from capitalism. Women were unhappy for they had to wear veils all the time. Men were slave workers, and children were not willingly conceived, leading sometimes to sinister individuals.

Dio was enraged to see the poverty of Iran, and came into The Unspoken One's palace. Fear struck the Unspoken One, and he tried to apologize to Dio, crying feminine tears. Dio was touched nonetheless, and asked The Unspoken One to better lead his people - which he accepted.

Dio then went to Spain, but the first man to meet his road spat on his feet. While it has for a long time been believed the man was a Spanish citizen, it is no longer the case. Apparently, the man was a man with no country. Nevertheless, it should have been the duty of any Pakistani to educate him, which was not done until he committed the unforgivable. Dio, in anger, killed him with only the nail of his finger, and not a drip of blood fell on his clothes - for it would have corrupted the textile. A nomad discovered his corpse and cursed him nevertheless but the evil was done and Dio would never forgive them for not doing their duty.

As the Spaniards were ancient pakis, Dio decided that he would not exterminate them, and hoped that one day they would recover reason. He went back to Pakistan and expanded it from Russia to India, including Japan and Alaska. There were even some commercial outposts in Jerusalem and Denmark, far away from Pakistan. Meanwhile, the Unspoken One had deep and dark plans to overthrow Dio. He decided to go to Spain with his best scientists and discuss a lot.

They had come to the idea that Dio was made of sand (which was absolutely correct) and decided that they would have to create another matter that would counter this sand.

Snow

One night, they finally were able to create the anti-sand - snow - but the substance was so corrupt it began to spread to the soil, creating waters in the oceans, separating the continents. The once Gureto Indonesia, expanding from South Africa to South America was swallowed by the waters, leaving only the capital and some nearby cities. The north began to get cold and Pakistanis were forced to retreat to China - leaving those who were already affected by the curse of snow behind.

Amongst the epicenter of the corruption were the Spaniards, all the scientists that helped creating the snow were very deeply affected inside, but outside as well. From the dark and brown hairs of the Pakistanis, they became blonder and taller with blue eyes, showing nothing but the absence of souls completely taken over by the snow.

The Unspoken One was affected as well but due to the fact he was a first-generation Pakistani, he was apparently unaffected from the outside. Only were his blue eyes, proving that he lost his Paki soul for the dark and deep cold that was surrounding the planet...

Dio was immediately aware of the danger. In fact he knew beforehand, but always hoped that the destiny could change. Before they committed the sins, The Unspoken one and Spaniards were still pakis and therefore innocent before committing the acts.

But it was all too late now.

Dio put his hand into the biggest desert of Pakistan and made a sword from the very last drips of the golden sand. He took it over his head and spoke to every Pakistani.

When he called, all of them heard the message : "Pakistan, let us fight for the reunification. Let us fight for ZA WARUDO, let us fight for peace, let us fight for freedom of speech, let us fight for everyone. Pride, Power and Pakistan my friends... Pakistan.."

The Works of Altnabla

This concludes the Book of Dio as realised by Altnabla through sources and various legends of Peshwar. Many inaccuracies and arguable materials are known to be present, but it is believed that this book is the first to take many of the legends into one storyline.

Other books by the same author (Altnabla):

• "Dio Against the Swedes"
• "How Dio Saved my Marriage"
• "Homosexuality and Dio"
• "Falconpunchism and the Different Magical Powers of Dio"
• "An Exhaustive List of the Exact 1574892 Illegitimate Sons of Dio"
• "He-that-would-now-no-longer-be-named: A History of Betrayal"
• "The Hot Places in Islamabad (Everywhere)"
• "Peace: A Theoretical Essay Over the Conceptual Influences in the Centuries"

[Bilal the Great]

[Malice]

I'm just glad this is still a Bobloist free zone.