Hey guys what’s up? Now you’re probably wondering what size font this is. This is a size 1 font. Also if you actually read this let us know lmao. AAAANYWAYS, micro pockyman have had their pixels hurt recently! Idk about you, but that just sucks. So, we’re peacing out with our big enemy….QUACK! But first!! A word from our sponsors….This is John Goon speaking. I am the man who loves his life. I am the man who does not sacrifice his love or his values. I am the man who has deprived you of victims and thus has destroyed your world, and if you wish to know why you are perishing-you who dread knowledge-I am the man who will now tell you.” The chief engineer was the only one able to move; he ran to a television set and struggled frantically with its dials. But the screen remained empty; the speaker had not chosen to be seen. Only his voice filled the airways of the country-of the world, thought the chief engineer-sounding as if he were speaking here, in this room, not to a group, but to one man; it was not the tone of addressing a meeting, but the tone of addressing a mind. “You have heard it said that this is an age of moral crisis. You have said it yourself, half in fear, half in hope that the words had no meaning. You have cried that man’s sins are destroying the world and you have cursed human nature for its unwillingness to practice the virtues you demanded. Since virtue, to you, consists of sacrifice, you have demanded more sacrifices at every successive disaster. In the name of a return to morality, you have sacrificed all those evils which you held as the cause of your plight. You have sacrificed justice to mercy. You have sacrificed independence to unity. You have sacrificed reason to faith. You have sacrificed wealth to need. You have sacrificed self-esteem to self-denial. You have sacrificed happiness to duty. “You have destroyed all that which you held to be evil and achieved all that which you held to be good. Why, then, do you shrink in horror from the sight of the world around you? That world is not the product of your sins, it is the product and the image of your virtues. It is your moral ideal brought into reality in its full and final perfection. You have fought for it, you have dreamed of it, and you have wished it, and I-I am the man who has granted you your wish. “Your ideal had an implacable enemy, which your code of morality was designed to destroy. I have withdrawn that enemy. I have taken it out of your way and out of your reach. I have removed the source of all those evils you were sacrificing one by one. I have ended your battle. I have stopped your motor. I have deprived your world of man’s mind. “Men do not live by the mind, you say? I have withdrawn those who do. The mind is impotent, you say? I have withdrawn those whose mind isn’t. There are values higher than the mind, you say? I have withdrawn those for whom there aren’t. “While you were dragging to your sacrificial altars the men of justice, of independence, of reason, of wealth, of self-esteem-I beat you to it, I reached them first. I told them the nature of the game you were playing and the nature of that moral code of yours, which they had been too innocently generous to grasp. I showed them the way to live by another morality-mine. It is mine that they chose to follow. “All the men who have vanished, the men you hated, yet dreaded to lose, it is I who have taken them away from you. Do not attempt to find us. We do not choose to be found. Do not cry that it is our duty to serve you. We do not recognize such duty. Do not cry that you need us. We do not consider need a claim. Do not cry that you own us. You don’t. Do not beg us to return. We are on strike, we, the men of the mind. “We are on strike against self-immolation. We are on strike against the creed of unearned rewards and unrewarded duties. We are on strike against the dogma that the pursuit of one’s happiness is evil. We are on strike against the doctrine that life is guilt. “There is a difference between our strike and all those you’ve practiced for centuries: our strike consists, not of making demands, but of granting them. We are evil, according to your morality. We have chosen not to harm you any longer. We are useless, according to your economics. We have chosen not to exploit you any longer. We are dangerous and to be shackled, according to your politics. We have chosen not to endanger you, nor to wear the shackles any longer. We are only an illusion, according to your philosophy. We have chosen not to blind you any longer and have left you free to face reality-the reality you wanted, the world as you see it now, a world without mind. “We have granted you everything you demanded of us, we who had always been the givers, but have only now understood it. We have no demands to present to you, no terms to bargain about, no compromise to reach. You have nothing to offer us. We do not need you. “Are you now crying: No, this was not what you wanted? A mindless world of ruins was not your goal? You did not want us to leave you? You moral cannibals, I know that you’ve always known what it was that you wanted. But your game is up, because now we know it, too. “Through centuries of scourges and disasters, brought about by your code of morality, you have cried that your code had been broken, that the scourges were punishment for breaking it, that men were too weak and too selfish to spill all the blood it required. You damned man, you damned existence, you damned this earth, but never dared to question your code. Your victims took the blame and struggled on, with your curses as reward for their martyrdom-while you went on crying that your code was noble, but human nature was not good enough to practice it. And no one rose to ask the question: Good?-by what standard? “You wanted to know John Goon’s identity. I am the man who has asked that question. “Yes, this is an age of moral crisis. Yes, you are bearing punishment for your evil. But it is not man who is now on trial and it is not human nature that will take the blame. It is your moral code that’s through, this time. Your moral code has reached its climax, the blind alley at the end of its course. And if you wish to go on living, what you now need is not to return to morality-you who have never known any-but to discover it. “You have heard no concepts of morality but the mystical or the social. You have been taught that morality is a code of behavior imposed on you by whim, the whim of a supernatural power or the whim of society, to serve God’s purpose or your neighbor’s welfare, to please an authority beyond the grave or else next door-but not to serve your life or pleasure. Your pleasure, you have been taught, is to be found in immorality, your interests would best be served by evil, and any moral code must be designed not for you, but against you, not to further your life, but to drain it. “For centuries, the battle of morality was fought between those who claimed that your life belongs to God and those who claimed that it belongs to your neighbors-between those who preached that the good is self-sacrifice for the sake of ghosts in heaven and those who preached that the good is self-sacrifice for the sake of incompetents on earth. And no one came to say that your life belongs to you and that the good is to live it. “Both sides agreed that morality demands the surrender of your self-interest and of your mind, that the moral and the practical are opposites, that morality is not the province of reason, but the province of faith and force. Both sides agreed that no rational morality is possible, that there is no right or wrong in reason-that in reason there’s no reason to be moral. “Whatever else they fought about, it was against man’s mind that all your moralists have stood united. It was man’s mind that all their schemes and systems were intended to despoil and destroy. Now choose to perish or to learn that the anti-mind is the anti-life. “Man’s mind is his basic tool of survival. Life is given to him, survival is not. His body is given to him, its sustenance is not. His mind is given to him, its content is not. To remain alive, he must act, and before he can act he must know the nature and purpose of his action. He cannot obtain his food without a knowledge of food and of the way to obtain it. He cannot dig a ditch-or build a cyclotron-without a knowledge of his aim and of the means to achieve it. To remain alive, he must think. “But to think is an act of choice. The key to what you so recklessly call ‘human nature,’ the open secret you live with, yet dread to name, is the fact that man is a being of volitional consciousness. Reason does not work automatically; thinking is not a mechanical process; the connections of logic are not made by instinct. The function of your stomach, lungs or heart is automatic; the function of your mind is not. In any hour and issue of your life, you are free to think or to evade that effort. But you are not free to escape from your nature, from the fact thatreason is your means of survival-so that for you, who are a human being, the question ‘to be or not to be’ is the question ‘to’ think or not to think.’ “A being of volitional consciousness has no automatic course of behavior. He needs a code of values to guide his actions. ‘Value’ is that which one acts to gain and keep, ‘virtue’ is the action by which one gains and keeps it. ‘Value’ presupposes an answer to the question: of value to whom and for what? ‘Value’ presupposes a standard, a purpose and the necessity of action in the face of an alternative. Where there are no alternatives, no values are possible. “There is only one fundamental alternative in the universe: existence or non-existence-and it pertains to a single class of entities: to living organisms. The existence of inanimate matter is unconditional, the existence of life is not; it depends on a specific course of action. Matter is indestructible, it changes its forms, but it cannot cease to exist. It is only a living organism that faces a constant alternative: the issue of life or death. Life is a process of self-sustaining and-self-generated action. If an organism fails in that action, it does; its chemical elements remain, but its life goes out of existence. It is only the concept of ‘Life’ that makes the concept of ‘Value’ possible. It is only to a living entity that things can be good or evil. “A plant must feed itself in order to live; the sunlight, the water, the chemicals it needs are the values its nature has set it to pursue; its life is the standard of value directing its actions. But a plant has no choice of action; there are alternatives in the conditions it encounters, but there is no alternative in its function: it acts automatically to further its life, it cannot act for its own destruction. “An animal is equipped for sustaining its life; its senses provide it with an automatic code of action, an automatic knowledge of what is good for it or evil. It has no power to extend its knowledge or to evade it. In conditions where its knowledge proves inadequate, it dies. But so long as it lives, it acts on its knowledge, with automatic safety and no power of choice, it is unable to ignore its own good, unable to decide to choose the evil and act as its own destroyer. “Man has no automatic code of survival. His particular distinction from all other living species is the necessity to act in the face of alternatives by means of volitional choice. He has no automatic knowledge of what is good for him or evil, what values his life depends on, what course of action it requires. Are you prattling about an instinct of self-preservation? An instinct of self-preservation is precisely what man does not possess. An ‘instinct’ is an unerring and automatic form of knowledge. A desire is not an instinct. A desire to live does not give you the knowledge required for living. And even man’s desire to live is not automatic: your secret evil today is that that is the desire you do not hold. Your fear of death is not a love of life and will not give you the knowledge needed to keep it. Man must obtain his knowledge and choose his actions by a process of thinking, which nature will not force him t9 perform. Man has the power to act as his own destroyer-and that is the way he has acted through most of his history. “A living entity that regarded its means of survival as evil, would not survive. A plant that struggled to mangle its roots, a bird that fought to break its wings would not remain for long in the existence they affronted. But the history of man has been a struggle to deny and to destroy his mind. “Man has been called a rational being, but rationality is a matter of choice-and the alternative his nature offers him is: rational being or suicidal animal. Man has to be man-by choice; he has to hold his life as a value-by choice: he has to learn to sustain it-by choice; he has to discover the values it requires and practice his virtues-by choice. “A code of values accepted by choice is a code of morality. “Whoever you are, you who are hearing me now, I am speaking to whatever living remnant is left uncorrupted within you, to the remnant of the human, to your mind, and I say: There is a morality of reason, a morality proper to man, and Man’s Life is its standard of value. “All that which is proper to the life of a rational being is the good; all that which destroys it is the evil. “Man’s life, as required by his nature, is not the life of a mindless brute, of a looting thug or a mooching mystic, but the life of a thinking being-not life by means of force or fraud, but life by means of achievement-not survival at any price, since there’s only one price that pays for man’s survival: reason. “Man’s life is the standard of morality, but your own life is its purpose. If existence on earth is your goal, you must choose your actions and values by the standard of that which is proper to man-for the purpose of preserving, fulfilling and enjoying the irreplaceable value which is your life. “Since life requires a specific course of action, any other course will destroy it. A being who does not hold his own life as the motive and goal of his actions, is acting on the motive and standard of death. Such a being is a metaphysical monstrosity, struggling to oppose, negate and contradict the fact of his own existence, running blindly amuck on a trail of destruction, capable of nothing but pain. “Happiness is the successful state of life, pain is an agent of death. Happiness is that state of consciousness which proceeds from the achievement of one’s values. A morality that dares to tell you to find happiness in the renunciation of your happiness-to value the failure of your values-is an insolent negation of morality. A doctrine that gives you, as an ideal, the role of a sacrificial animal seeking slaughter on the altars of others, is giving you death as your standard. By the grace of reality and the nature of life, man-every man-is an end in himself, he exists for his own sake, and the achievement of his own happiness is his highest moral purposeTl;dr: ah dang it goons are backPlayer 2 has entered the gameQuotePreamble:GONOS (hereafter referred to as GOONS) is an invasion alliance from a dead comedy forum with one goal, to relive our glory days through cheap shots at the general PnW forums.Blasphemy I: AdmissionAdmission into GOONS is achieved in two steps. Either, by laying down an offering of :10bux: to That Pig or, the nation must submit at least one hilarious comic as to why we should allow them to join, MSPaint preferred. Upon completion of one of these steps, the nation shall receive protection.Applying nations must not be a part of any existing alliance.Blasphemy II: Government & The ClosetGOONS Closet: The Closet of GOONS is the governing body of the alliance. Any member of the Closet may ban any member from the alliance and may also reject membership to anyone. However, they must wrangle together at least two other members of the Closet to agree to these actions before they may be implemented.El Presidente la Langosta (Lobster president): In charge of the entire alliance. All decisions that will affect the welfare of the Goon Order of Ordnances, Neutrality & Sabotage will be made by them.Optimus Prime Minister: Second in command, with similar standing and power as the Presidente. All legislative measures (as well as election cycles) are handled by the OPM.Hambassidor: Will handle requests from other alliances, These requests included, but are not limited to: Embassy Requests, Diplomatic Missions, etc. Also is required to perform various sexual favours over the course of their tenure.Lard Commandante: Coordinates and implements offensive & defensive strategies. Oversees the overall military structure of the alliances.Secretary of GOONification: Responsible for maintaining and creating guides and other materials to assist member nations in the planning and execution of nation building. Is also the alliance's discord nanny and janitor.Hurr Comm: Somehow manages to type out sentences which, hopefully, will properly instruct the alliance on how to carry out orders laid out by the Closet.Let it be known that members of the Closet are essentially on the same level as one another when it comes to decision making. However, the Presidente/Lobster and Optimus Prime Minister will generally get their way most of the time.Blasphemy III: WarIt is at the discretion of the Closet to determine to what extent the alliance will spread grief upon the masses. However, it is a fair assumption that it will be a great deal. Members of the alliance are expected to have educated themselves in not only the proper ways of war profiteering but also curbstomping.Blasphemy V: Foreign AffairsPeacetimeI. In times of peace, GOONS recognize the sovereignty and security of other alliances. An "alliance" is defined as any group operating under the same Alliance Affiliation with membership of 20 or more. Exceptions may be made both for smaller groups we wish to recognize and larger groups we do not, should the closet so decide.Unaligned nations are not afforded the protection given to alliance members, and may be attacked at the discretion of individual GOONS members. Should a GOONS member bite off more than he can chew and get beaten up while attacking an unaligned nation, he does not have an expectation of backup from other colonies, unless the beating up comes from members of a recognized alliance, in which case this may be taken as an act of war on their behalf. II. Treaties with other alliances, of non-aggression, optional defense, mutual defense, and other forms, may be drafted by the Foreign Minister, but should not be considered binding on the side of GOONS unless signed by the Lobster or, in his absence, the Optimus Prime Minister.WartimeI. While GOONS will endeavor to maintain peaceful relations with all recognized alliances, they accept that there are times when diplomacy must be continued by other means.Should GOONS be called upon to make war upon another alliance, either by unilateral decision, or through treaty obligation, war will be declared following either a majority vote of the closet, or unanimous decision of the Lobster, OPM, and Hambassidor. II. Should a nation, either in a war or outside of a declared war, commit actions considered heinous and reprehensible to GOONS, the closet reserves the right to declare this nation an Enemy Of GOONS, at which point their name will be added to the Enemies Of GOONS list, and they may be attacked at will by GOONS members. Common offenses that may cause EoG status are military violence against a GOONS nation outside of war, military aid to an enemy of GOONS, and continued and incessant provocation. The Lobster and OPM may unanimously add or remove names from the EoG list, or names may be added by majority vote of the Closet. The list of Enemies will be in a public part of our discord, and those on our Enemies list are permitted one petition per month to be removed, which will be heard by the Lard Commandante or an appointed representative. Removal is not in any way guaranteed, indeed assumption of removal may be used as grounds to keep someone on the list. The expectation is for the petitioner to explain why they should be granted clemency, not the alliance to explain why they should not.III. Operational Security: Spying is absolutely forbidden in GOONS. Any nation found to be transmitting secure information on GOONS out of the alliance will be removed immediately and placed on the EoG list.Blasphemy V: Closing HaikusYou think you're big.With your fancy little words.This is not so hard. I'm much funnier.when i am drunk off my butt.sadly, i'm sober. Five syllables here.Seven more syllables here.Are you happy now?/s/Do Not Fear Jazz, El Presidente la Langosta. [REDACTED], Optimus Prime Minister.JT Jag, Hambassidor.Khris Kruel, Lard Commandante.Azure, Secretary of GOONification.Sardonic, Hurr Comm.Comrade Marx, Penile Envoy.Officially protected by Pacifica.Also, Noctis Anarch Caelum (hereby referred to as Methrage), will be the first contestant on our Enemy of GOONS list. Discord: https://discord.gg/u9m8aDG. Also of note, in the quiet month or so we've existed we've conducted just shy of 400 raids.