This is the first edition of the Royal Island Post, a paper haphazardly written by a pirate. The only other paper I like is the Shifty News Network, and one is one too few. So I decided to create my own newspaper that I'm sure to love. As for you, perhaps not, I'm not fancy and I've never done this before, but here we are. I'm to write what I like and shamelessly promote whatever I like, plus those that pay good money. So without further ado, welcome to RIP.
Here's the news!
Afrika Korps, an alliance of nations with immense tanks, declared war on Arrgh! An alliance of pirates with immense rum. What were they thinking? I haven't bothered to find out. What I can tell you, is that they didn't have many pirates to fight, our ships just aren't that big, it effects speed and maneuverability, I know these things, I'm a pirate.
After we pirates drank and had a good laugh, we all went our separate ways. I don't know what's happened since then, I think the panzers are still trying to learn to swim, here's a picture I found. (Thanks Epi)
Later on in the week, a mysterious stranger visited the Afrikans and probed them all. (presumably) It's okay though, the Korps learned about paper and can now be observed in the safari, grazing under the watchful eye of ayyliens. Why did this happen? Who knows. Perhaps they felt endangered, scared perhaps. Maybe they felt alone? They could have just longed for the love of an ayylien. In any case, the Afrikans were adopted by Black Knights and they have a cozy home.
The global peace terms discussion has not noticeably progressed this week. This writer is happy to see that, war is the essence of life, like sweet sweet lemonade on a hot day. I wish war for everyone into the next year, let's do it right folks, start the year with a BANG!
In other news, a new alliance has entered the world of Orbis, they were born out of the alliance The Crimson Entente and have burst into the world by what they call, a declaration of secession. They are, The Bombardiers and they are succeeding from what they call an "oppressive,corrupt and tyrannical government".
It all began with a fellow who goes by the name Benefactor(Merkurios), he was among those who declared independence from The Crimson Entente. When asked why, he sighted taxes as a major source of tension,which he said primarily benefited the rich. (on a personal note, as a pirate I despise all concepts of taxes, I deal mostly in booty)
He also claimed that TCE is a phony democracy, ran by corrupt officials who censor free speech, which they used against him when he attempted to petition for lower taxes. He also said that officials are paid off to work for the president and the people remain unrepresented. (This pirates question is, if this be true, why had not more joined the mutiny?)
In any case, I searched for another side of the story. I spoke with KingDracula of The Crimson Entente and he was forthcoming with a story of his own.
He says that Benefactor simply had disagreements with other members of his previous alliance (TCE) and abruptly left the alliance shortly thereafter. He says the war was not about succession at all, but about money that Benefactor took with him. ( I asked Benefactor about this claim, he says he paid it off, and that the war was indeed about succession.)
I also have a message from Parrish, who said, "TCE denies all claims of corruption and dennounces Bombardier's leader for putting up a false Reason of seceding"
It's debatable what the first round of fighting was about, but this second round is undoubtedly about the succession. With TB publicly denouncing TCE, which they claim are straight up lies, the situation seems unlikely to improve.
So what's the truth here? I have no idea! I'm just here to give you the story. In this writers opinion, this revolution has more bark than bite. Will The Bombardiers make something of themselves in this orb? Or will they simply disappear into the heaps of micros? Only time can tell.
It looks as though the Paradise bloc has been disbanded, or at least changed significantly. Animation Domination is no longer a part of this bloc and what that means remains to be seen. Apparently The Isle has asked them to leave, which does not seem to be what AD had wanted.
According to Arizona Robbins of The Isle, "We looked at the direction the bloc itself was going, and it wasnt moving anywhere. I could go on, but out of respect for our former allies that is AD, we wont go there and we wish you the best in your future prospects, and now it's time to close this door and look fowards to the future".
Most importantly, what does this mean to Captain Jack? Well my answer is obvious, I hope this means more war! A pirate could only hope. Perhaps something interesting will happen from this, AD has plenty of potential and a seemingly stalwart captain. I just hope it means they'll attack someone.
There's also a new alliance, league of hero's, I haven't had time to find out anything about them, but let's wish them luck.
I had the joy of taking part in a jury, which was interesting at first. The jury was assembled, and the trial began. Although you'd think a lawyer would be ready for trial, the defense unfortunately was not. But instead of retrial, we waited around while the defense got extra time. I won't give the details, but it was a trial for treason.
So anyhow, what started as a serious trial by jury, for a serious crime, ended up becoming a minor crime with a slap on the wrist. The best part? The judge presiding didn't even know there was a jury! And made his decision without so much as consulting us, which is hard to do when you don't know we exist. So, it was my first stint on a ceremonial jury, and I will make it my last. It brings to question, what is a jury for? And why waste their time? Walk the plank next time and be done with it.
I had a fun little time being accused of bullying, which is not my fault mind you. If you'd just hand over the loot, everything would go so much smoother. I recommend just giving me your loot next time, then I'll be your best friend. No better friend than an old enemy.
Speaking of, I was looting an inactive that came back from the grave, spooky stuff I tell you. And I had saved up some maps, there wasn't much going on, he was almost defeated. Well, I went to use them up and what would you think the results would be? I'll be damned, I brought my opponents resistance down to, 1! 100 vs 1! I could not believe mine eyes! Well, I just had to peace out with that fellow, a pirate won't do well ignoring messages from Davy Jones. I wish him well.
Here's a pirate quote
"Damn ye, you are a sneaking puppy, and so are all those who will submit to be governed by laws which rich men have made for their own security." - "Black" Sam
Inspirational words if you ask me.
That's the end of the first edition of RIP, come by next week for another edition.
If you have anything you'd like to be shared, message me, Captain Jack, and it just may make the paper. Also send hate mail. I'm also open to suggestions and other shenanigans.