The following is a transcript of the President's speech that concluded moments ago:
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Ladies and gentlemen, as you may have already heard: Chief Justice of the Supreme Court Malone has tragically passed away. He was gunned down this evening by a soldier under the orders of Morgan Fraser.
I have ordered Attorney General Moonie Pies to investigate the events surrounding his death. (He is not related to the MoonPie that we all know from The Viridian Entente, although he might be his brother, I really don't talk to him much)
As President of the United Obaman Empire, it is my responsibility to appoint a new Chief Justice for our grand nation. I considered appointing Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg to ascend to Chief Justice; however, I fear that she will not hang in much longer and I would like to replace her with another political supporter during the rest of my tenure in office. (She should step down soon!)
I am proud to announce that I am appointing Sweeeet Ronny B to be our next Chief Justice.
This means that I will also have to nominate a Chef Justice, who is responsible for preparing his meals. Speaker Boner Boehner*** has told me that he would proudly accept this nomination. Apparently when working in Congress he has had a lot of free time to practice cooking. (Cause they have nothing to do I guess)
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