I didn't get to see the original post, but judging from the responses I have a good gist that you were dealing with a common dilemma.
The Discord requirement isn't an arbitrary, elitist thing big alliances have conspired to do. There are legitimate needs that Discord fulfills like instant and coordinated communication in war, bots to assist city grants and other banking needs, and a convenient platform for members to socialize and feel more like a community. Obviously Discord is not the only solution: TKR used to use Slack instead of Discord, and many alliances used IRC before Discord existed, but the basic principle remains.
I don't think this is a question of who's a jerk. If you really don't want to play this game without Discord, that's your choice and there are alliances out there with likeminded people. Just know that you're probably limiting yourself if your goals in the game are high growth, effective warfare, etc.