SYNDICATE, INC. ISSUES STATEMENT ON RETIREMENT OF LONGEST-SERVING EXECUTIVE AND DEBUNKS ASSASSINATION CLAIMS
NASSAU, Bahamas, 2024-03-14: SYNDICATE, Inc., (NYSE:SCC) issues a twofold statement congratulating Lucas, record-breaking longest-serving member of the Executive board, on his retirement. For over three years as Chief Operations Officer, he has served the interests of the corporation, striving to always bring more value to its shareholders, prevailing over underachieving would-be usurpers and two-faced maniacs alike.
President Tom, illustrious member and long-time vice president of Asset Command, rises to fill the seat of Chief Operations Officer. He is supported by vice president of Corporate Strategy, MaiseeDaisee. Both were seen clad in black robes near the Sith shrine outside the company headquarters in Nassau, no doubt contemplating their long work under Lucas and what the future holds.
However, the Syndicate is saddened to find itself in the position of having its newest Executive face utterly unfounded accusations of murder, and categorically condemns such naked, odious opportunism in the face of this historic event.
Chief Global Strategist and media contact Tarroc — increasingly better known by his birth name, Gaius Julius Caesar — has expressed displeasure at the claims. At a business lunch, he was quoted as saying, “Lucas has always been an intensely private individual. It was well within his rights, and perfectly in-character as well, not to make a public announcement himself, choosing instead to leave quietly and suddenly, and having Thomas notify the board on his behalf. To even suggest he was murdered as part of some religious ritual is nonsensical.”
The department’s spokesperson, now working directly under President Tom after signing a generous contract renewal, has informed the media that Lucas has permanently relocated to Exegol, his favorite retreat, and will continue to serve the company in an advisory capacity. As a token of gratitude for years of service, and keenly aware of his desire for privacy, the Syndicate has restricted all travel to Exegol in the Unknown Regions for the foreseeable future.
Longest-serving Executive of the Syndicate, still alive and well, retires peacefully and without bloodshed. May he rest.