We are the most interesting alliance in the world.
We are dynamic figures, often seen scaling walls and crushing ice. We have been known to remodel train stations on our lunch breaks, making them more efficient in the area of heat retention. We translate ethnic slurs for Cuban refugees, we write award-winning operas, we manage time efficiently. Occasionally, we tread water for three days in a row
We woo women with our sensuous and godlike trombone playing, we can pilot bicycles up severe inclines with unflagging speed, and we cook Thirty-Minute Brownies in twenty minutes. We are experts in stucco, veterans in love, and outlaws in Peru
Using only a hoe and a large glass of water, We once single-handedly defended a small village in the Amazon Basin from a horde of ferocious army ants. We play bluegrass cello, we were scouted by the Mets, we are the subject of numerous documentaries. When we’re bored, we build large suspension bridges in the yard. We enjoy urban hang gliding. On Wednesdays, after school, we repair electrical appliances free of charge
We balance, we weave, we dodge, we frolic, and our bills are all paid. On weekends, to let off steam, we participate in full-contact origami. Years ago we discovered the meaning of life but forgot to write it down. We have made extraordinary four course meals using only a mouli and a toaster oven. We breed prizewinning clams. We have won bullfights in San Juan, cliff-diving competitions in Sri Lanka, and spelling bees at the Kremlin. We have played Hamlet, performed open-heart surgery, and have spoken with Elvis.
But we still don’t have you as a member.
By Gandalf