This is a message from the hospital known as aNiMaLz. I am Leonard J. Crabs Esq., AKA KrisWolfe, AKA the best Wolfe in Orbis, AKA The Wolfe of Orbis Street.
If anyone is not in the know, I am the Lard Commandante of Green Protection Agency, AKA the Economic Director, AKA the Overlord of the Breadline, AKA the Communist Dictator of who gets their needs filled.
I am here to speak on behalf of the Green Protection Agency today. This is a declaration of bankruptcy.
While a lawyer and a CPA in real life, I unfortunately forgot to carry some 1’s in my calculations. These things happen, I am only human, don’t sue me (HAHA). I should’ve used Excel spreadsheet, I apologize, but I had a bunch of napkins that I never use and apparently napkin math is used for extremely important decisions around these parts.
I first discovered the problem after I had taken out massive loans and somehow the money went DOWN the next week. It was very troubling. I asked my friend Blutarch to take a look but he, “finger quotes” said that capitalism is the death of the poor.
Even though we had received a bunch of funds, somehow we were in the red, after all our ill-gotten gains, our raid gains, our passive income, all the baseball gains, and our gym gains.
With a heavy heart, I, personally, and corporately, and communistically, speak for aNiMaLz and for Green Protection Agency, when I declare bankruptcy and default on the following loans:
tCW / Sphinx: $7,000,000,000
Afrika Korps: $600,000,000
Some dude named Parrish: $125,000,000
We also realized that, unfortunately, the receiving of BK’s and GoG’s bank and debt forced upon us by opposing force (everyone), we believe this is in violation of white peace since we had received reps and not nothing, and therefore they are in violation of white peace.
*Puts up feet on worn wood desk in front of him, pulls out a $5 cigar from 7-Eleven and lights it*
Now I know you have a bunch of questions, so I will answer a few before I kick you all out of my apartment office.
You, from the back, the hot lady in the red dress.
“Uh, yes. So, let me get this straight. You took out a bunch of loans and then declared bankruptcy. Isn’t that called stealing?”
-Oh, no, no, no. This is called Capitalism and the Free Market.
Next question. The doofus with the glasses.
“You can’t just say you’re filing bankruptcy”
-I didn’t say it, I declared it.
Aight, short stubby bald dude in the back.
“Wait, how does this violate the white peace again?”
-Doesn’t matter, I never recognized any of you as having the brain capacity to be diplomats anyways. CBs are stupid.
Last question, tall scruffy fella in the front.
Aren’t you afraid of getting cease and desist letters from these banks you’ve scammed?
*Waves off all new questions, pours gasoline on the desk and floor as gasps erupt from the journalists. Lights desk on fire with cigar*
Let’s get this party started.
We stand with NPO and all of our allies.
KrisWolfe, Lard Commandante of Green Protection Agency
Dancemasterlee, fartman and prophet of neutrality
Archibald, Newbie Wrangler, Fire Starter, Fire Extinguisher, and Sleepy Boy
Penultimo, Second in Command to the mighty and magnificent El Presidente!
Do Not Fear Jazz, some shark
Marx, the communist guy