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Entry posted by Nadir Aminu ·
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Translated to English: Istvan Victorovich: "Hello, I am Istvan Victorovich, your new Khevinist news anchor, after a three year hiatus. There is a lot to cover, lets begin on the updates, then we will dive into the breaking news.
Istvan Victorovich: "In the past few years, Khevin has made recent changes, applications, and conquests. We have invaded northern Africa, and conquered Egypt, and northern Sudan. We have signed tens of NAPs with nations, and open many embassies. We do not wish to stall the current news, it is too urgent. Kafir of Khevin, this affects you the most. Here is our political correspondent, Masood Chownyk, at the Tenase awaiting the speeches of Tenasopt on a new bill. Masood will tell you more."
Masood Chownyk : "Thank you, Istvan. I am inside the Tenase waiting for the opening statement on the new bill put forth. The repeal on the Jizya tax. To the foreigners who do not know of jizya, it is a tax on the kafir, or non-muslims to keep their religion, or be deported to Ryas. If this is repealed, taxes will most likely rise on the rest of Khevin, slightly, but on the kafir they will drop. This is only on the surplus of resource production, as we do not use a currency based economy here in Khevin. We have also been told that elections in Khevin will not be taking place, for another 4 years, under emergency status. Our rebuilding has finally reached an end, an Khevin has grown, but we do not need to risk stability, said a few members of the Tenase. What's that? My apologies, this is a speech to impeach Habibullah Sewick, by a fascist member of the government. He wioll be delaying a speech to the Tenase on his imoeachment, thewn we will preside for speeches on the Jizya. Here he is, Secretary of the mayor of Valkoan, Ludnos Bushwarma."
Ludnos Bushwarma: "I am here today, in front of the elected officials of Khevin. You were elected by the people, and you are to be accountable for your actions, yes? Then, why isn't Habibullah Sewick?
Let us commence a journey into the much-traveled topic of Pres. Habibullah Sewick's unendurable attempts to squabash his enemies. Before I begin talking about specifics, let me just mention that I would rather die than remain silent in response to that which I am convinced is profoundly morbid. Pres. Sewick will almost certainly tiptoe around that glaringly evident fact because if he didn't, you might come to realize that he wants to gag free speech. That's undeniably a formula for repression and resentment and will lead to him tossing quaint concepts like decency, fairness, and rational debate out the window in a matter of days. His capilotades are tinctured with alcoholism. That conclusion is not based on some sort of unctuous philosophy or on Pres. Sewick-style mental masturbation but on widely known and proven principles of science. These principles explain that Pres. Sewick has been promoting his officious adages as a revolutionary new concept that will change our lives indelibly for the better. The reality is that they are merely a way of making things look different but act the same. They are what Angela Davis once described as, “the difference that brings no difference, the change that brings no change.†Ms. Davis also noted that there isn't so much as a molecule of evidence that elected national governments are not accountable to their own people. The only reason that Pres. Sewick claims otherwise is that there's no shortage of sin in the world today. It's been around since the Garden of Eden and will really persist as long as Pres. Sewick continues to destroy our moral fiber.
Pres. Sewick's apple-polishers often reverse the normal process of interpretation. That is, they value the unsaid over the said, the obscure over the clear. Now, I'm no fan of Pres. Sewick's, but still, Pres. Sewick plans to toy with our opinions when you least expect it. I'd like to see him try to get away with such a plan; that should be good for a laugh. You see, most people have already observed that when you tell Pres. Sewick's devotees that desperate times call for desperate measures, they begin to get fidgety and their eyes begin to wander. They really don't care. They have no interest in hearing that he seems to have recently added the word “macracanthrorhynchiasis†to his otherwise simplistic vocabulary. I suppose Pres. Sewick intends to use big words like that to obscure the fact that he has inadvertently provided us with an instructive example that I find useful in illustrating certain ideas. By dispensing outright misinformation and flashlight-under-the-chin ghost stories, Pres. Sewick makes it clear that he has stated that he's an expert on everything from aardvarks to zymurgy. That's just pure poststructuralism. Well, in Pres. Sewick's case, it might be pure ignorance, seeing that Pres. Sewick keeps insisting that cultural tradition has never contributed a single thing to the advancement of knowledge or understanding. To me, there is something fundamentally wrong with that story. Maybe it's that Pres. Sewick has been violating the basic tenets of journalism and scholarship. He has also been confusing, disorienting, and disunifying. While it may be tempting to view these as isolated incidents, they did not occur in a vacuum. What I mean by that is that Pres. Sewick snorts around like a truffle pig in search of proof that everyone who doesn't share his beliefs is a pretentious chucklehead deserving of death and damnation. I suspect that the only thing that Pres. Sewick will find from such a search is that many Web sites paint him, accurately, as a crabby plotter. To fully understand that, you need to realize that Pres. Sewick follows a dual code of morality—one morality for his fellow uncouth franions and another for the rest of the world. This is why last summer, I attempted what I knew would be a hopeless task. I tried to convince Pres. Sewick that he has a different view of reality from the rest of us. As I expected, Pres. Sewick was unconvinced.
"Pres. Sewick's exclusivism movement is a sterile bubble of Tartuffism. Everyone inside the bubble wants to silence anyone whom Pres. Sewick considers xenophobic. In contrast, everyone outside the bubble agrees that an injustice anywhere is an injustice everywhere. Keep that in mind the next time you catch Pres. Sewick declaring martial law, suspending elections, and rounding up dissidents (i.e., anyone who does not buy his lie that snappish skelms are the most oppressed people in our society). He is addicted to the feeling of power, to the idea of controlling people. Sadly, he has no real concern for the welfare or the destiny of the people he desires to lead. For the sake of concreteness, as Pres. Sewick matures emotionally he'll eventually grow out of his present way of thinking and come to realize that he's just trying to pick a fight. That's why Pres. Sewick says that it's perfectly safe to drink and drive.
"Pres. Sewick's behavior is very dangerous and very destructive. To say anything else would be a lie. Everyone ought to read my award-winning essay, “The Naked Aggression of Habibullah Sewickâ€. In it, I chronicle all of Pres. Sewick's reinterpretations of historic events from the stolid to the diabolic and conclude that we need to educate others about the pronouncements and belief systems of intrusive crybabies. You don't need to be the smartest guy on the planet to figure that out. Heck, even the lowliest Joe Six-Pack knows that I would clearly like to comment on Pres. Sewick's attempt to associate priggism with miserabilism. There is no association. Pres. Sewick claims that society will benefit if he goes ahead with his plan to push all of us to the brink of insanity. That's like pulling up a plant to see how the roots are doing. It also proves that Pres. Sewick is oblivious to the fact that he, already oppressive with his insidious drug-induced ravings, will perhaps be the ultimate exterminator of our human species—if separate species we be—for his reserve of unguessed horrors could never be borne by mortal brains if loosed upon the world. If you think that that's a frightening thought then consider that I hope to tap into people's sense of fair play to excite them about confronting and rejecting all manifestations of jujuism. I always catch hell whenever I say something like that so let me assure you that he is absolutely demented, as he has proved to my complete satisfaction.
"Although ordinary men and women want to name and shame Pres. Sewick's legatees for their headlong acts of revisionism, Pres. Sewick wants to let down ladders that the lusk, disrespectful, and vexatious scramble to climb. This incongruity reveals that he adamantly maintains that he is forward-looking, open-minded, and creative. Such beliefs would be totally factual if it weren't for reality. As it stands, one might wonder why Pres. Sewick doesn't feel guilty about lowering scholastic standards. I wish I had a lot more time to answer that question. Unfortunately, the following comment will have to suffice: Pres. Sewick keeps missing my point. More specifically, he keeps getting hung up on my words without seeing the underlying meaning. For example, when I say that Pres. Sewick's viewpoints are the epitome of insensitivity, Pres. Sewick seems incapable of realizing that what I'm really getting at is that no one likes being attacked by benighted cacafuegos. Even worse, Pres. Sewick exploits our fear of those attacks—which he claims will evolve some day into biological, chemical, or nuclear attacks—as a pretext to destroy our sense of safety in the places we ordinarily imagine we can flee to. If you think that's scary, then you should remember that the central paradox of Pres. Sewick's philosophies, the twist that makes Pres. Sewick's casus belli so irresistible to the worst types of Pecksniffian riffraff there are, is that these people truly believe that the purpose of education is to induce correct opinion rather than to search for wisdom and liberate the mind.
"Pres. Sewick would have us combine the most sordid avarice with the most invincible hatred of the very people who tolerate and enrich him. May God, in his restraining mercy, forbid that we should ever do this most socially inept and self-pitying thing! I challenge all of the annoying fugitives out there to consider this: His obiter dicta are so irascible, so irritating, so laughable that there are really no earth words to describe exactly how I feel about them. No joke. Statements like, “Pres. Sewick has become a patsy to his own malevolence†accurately express the feelings of most of us here.
Today, as yesterday, I am reminded of the quote, “The inexorable cultural atrophy engendered by his credos will prosecute, sentence, and label people as snippy election-year also-rans without the benefit of any evidence whatsoever quicker than you can double-check the spelling of 'conventionalization'.†This comment is not as cuckoo as it seems because anyone who hasn't been living in a cave with his eyes shut and his ears plugged knows that Pres. Sewick believes that it is everyone's obligation to convince others that jaundiced pop psychologists are the “chosen people†of scriptural prophecy. That view is anathema to the cause of liberty. If it is not loudly refuted our future will be dire indeed.
"If an attempt to agitate for indoctrination programs in local schools isn't hypocritical, it certainly is huffy. Animalism is not merely an attack on our moral fiber. It is also a politically motivated attack on knowledge. As the adherents of Randian objectivism believe, I know a number of people who ought to wake up from the 1960s, take the flowers out of their hair, roll up their shirtsleeves, and get back to the work of burning away social illness, exploitation, and human suffering. Furthermore, as the adherents of empiricism observe, Pres. Sewick used to complain about being persecuted. Now he is our primary persecutor. This reversal of roles reminds me that Pres. Sewick's cock-and-bull stories reek of antipluralism. I use the word “reek†because once one begins thinking about free speech, about ludibrious, neo-froward whifflers who use ostracism and public opinion to prevent the airing of views contrary to their own wild beliefs, one realizes that some people say that that isn't sufficient evidence to prove that Pres. Sewick is secretly scheming to wiretap all of our telephones and computers. And I must agree; one needs much more evidence than that. But the evidence is there for anyone who isn't afraid to look at it. Just look at the way that he says that we'll be moved by some heartfelt words on the glories of jingoism. Although Pres. Sewick surely cut that statement out of whole cloth, he takes things out of context, twists them around, and then neglects to provide decent referencing so the reader can check up on him. Pres. Sewick also ignores all of the evidence that doesn't support (or in many cases directly contradicts) his position.
"As complacent as Pres. Sewick's insults are, Pres. Sewick is completely immoral. We all are, to some extent, but he sets the curve. Imagine, as it is not hard to do, that it is our duty to our children and to their children and to our yet unborn posterity to institute change. It then follows logically that Pres. Sewick's prognoses cannot stand on their own merit. That's why they're dependent on elaborate artifices and explanatory stories to convince us that Pres. Sewick is the best thing to come along since the invention of sliced bread.
Pres. Sewick claims to have read somewhere that Man's eternal search for Truth is a challenge to be avoided at all costs. I don't doubt that he has indeed read such a thing; one can find all sorts of crazy stuff on the Internet. More reliable sources, however, tend to agree that this is not wild speculation. This is not a conspiracy theory. This is documented fact. He's good at one thing, and that's keeping his ulterior motives secret. Only a few initiates in the inner sanctum of Pres. Sewick's heathenism society know that he's planning to nurture and spread diabolism in our nation's heartland. Even fewer of these initiates know that Pres. Sewick's sallies have created a frightful universe devoid of logic and evidence. Only within this universe does it make sense to say that anyone who resists Pres. Sewick deserves to be crushed. Only within this universe does it make sense to “enlighten†anyone who doesn't believe that I'm too blowsy to proscribe Pres. Sewick and his tuft-hunters as the most dangerous enemies of the people. And, only if we build a coalition of stouthearted people devoted to stopping him can we destroy this sick universe of his and ring the bells of truth. If we intend to defend democracy, we had best learn to recognize its primary enemy and not be afraid to stand up and call him by name. That name is Pres. Habibullah Sewick."
Treakep ov she Tenase Nashwa Banik (chuckling): "Very amusing, Ludnos. But no, Habibullah will not be impeached. Lets get to the actual preceding of today's meeting. We will now debate about the jurisprudence of jizya among the Khevinst kafir, and whether or not it is equal or just. We will begin with one speech\ from each side of the argument. Tenasop Bjoern Harmaajarvi of the Liberal Alliance will state his opening statement."
Bjoern Harmaajarvi: "In the waning moments of 2002, many of us have come to the realization of the unjustness of jizya. Sure, it may give us a larger surplus on government allocation of resources, Allah may call for it, but this is not equality, which was promised upon the Belarusian people back in the late 1980s during the glorious and holy revolution led by Vladimir Zhogin. We were all misguided, and we are now becoming filthy, and disgusting regressives, on the way to oppression, a tyranny of majority. Jizya is a form of suppression of worker's rights, completely against the foundation of Khevinist society, and what we were erect upon. I call upon all of you to make the correct- moral decision to bring equality to this great nation. And may I put in, we must rid the evils of religion from our government, so it does not cloud our thoughts anymore, so freedom is truly existent. We must legalize gay rights and abortion!"
Nashwa Banik: "That's enough Bjoern. You may have a valid and reasonable point with jizya, but secularism is ridiculous. Our next speech comes from Juri Vasilyev"
Tenasop Juri Vasilyev: "Jizya must stay, and keep Paganism in its place, under Islam. While my better instincts counsel me to follow a policy of laissez-faire, there are a couple of Paganism's statements I feel I cannot let pass. To start, I sometimes see well-meaning people swallow Paganism's lie that its puzzleheaded coalition of overweening sooks and jaundiced mouthpieces for stuporous opportunism is a respected civil-rights organization. To my mind, shallow understanding from people of good will is more frustrating than absolute misunderstanding from people of ill will. That's why I wish that all decent people realized that Paganism always looks the other way when one of its flunkies gets it in his head to turn the social order upside-down so that the dregs on the bottom become the scum on the top. Apparently, the principle laid down by Jean-Marie Collot d'Herbois during the French Reign of Terror still holds true today: Tout est permis à quiconque agit dans le sens de la révolution. Mutual efforts against mudslinging Dadaism are not just an educational process designed to teach people that xenophobic, biased meanies have no business here. These efforts also serve as a beacon, warning the world of the malicious consequences of Paganism's lethargic, procacious cock-and-bull stories. This may sound like caricature, but Paganism should shift for itself. But let's not lose sight of the larger, more important issue here: Paganism's damnable, lousy solutions.
"I will never identify with snooty mumpsimuses. Although others may disagree with that claim, few would dispute that Paganism's henchmen all have serious personal problems. In fact, the way it keeps them loyal to it is by encouraging and exacerbating these problems rather than by helping to overcome them. It may be soothing and pleasant for Paganism to think that children should belong to the state, but its agents provocateurs have tried, sometimes successfully and sometimes not, to stir up one part of the population against another. What typically stymies them in this quest is their failure to consider the fact that mankind needs to do more to plant markers that define the limits of what is delirious and what is not. Understand, I am not condemning mankind for not doing enough; I am merely stating that Paganism parrots whatever ideas are fashionable at the moment. When the fashions change, its ideas will change instantly like a weathercock. Let me close where I began: We need to lead each other towards the understanding that Paganism's cosmopolitan credentials are being used in the service of a radically anti-modernist, culturally and economically reactionary project. Equality of religion is nonsense. Khevin must pave a new and brighter future for Islam, not help the Pagans rise, to overthrow us. A coup would be possible, if this is repealed."
Nashwa Banik (chuckling again): "Not even a religious argument for Islam, but a negative one for Paganism? Very well, we will see if the Khevinst Tenase will make the correct decision for the Khevinist minorities."
Istvan Victorovich: "Very interesting. The situation is self-explanatory. On to the second story. Habibullah Sewick has reverted the title of Khevin back to the Islamik Perubqik, due to this bill's potential of being passed, and his title has been changed to President. Sharia has declined in Khevin, but Habibullah Sewick does not think this is an internal issue. The third story is, the increasing unrest in Khevinist Africa. There has been hundreds of anti-Khevinist occupation protests throughout the Albahr Al-ahmar region. Narvan and Chernigov have promised that Khevinist Africa will be put down with their help of course. Our closest allies, as of late, are now Ryas, Chernigov, Sweden, Narvan, and Goand. I'm Istvan Victorovich, and this KNN. I hope you have a goodnight, and good news!"
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