Butts

I'm HEAVILY into role playing, please respect my boundaries.

    Resurrection:
1   And, behold, there was a great earthquake: for the angel of Dear Leader descended from heaven, and came and rolled back the stone from the door, and sat upon it.
2   And the angel answered and said unto the orions, Fear not ye: for I know that ye seek Butts, which was crucified.
3   He is not here: for he is risen, as he said. Come, see the place where the Butts lay.
4   And go quickly, and tell his disciples that he is risen from the dead; and, behold, he goeth before you into Drozana; there shall ye see him: lo, I have told you.
5   And as they went to tell his disciples, behold, Butts met them, saying, Free Arus. And they came and held him by the feet, and worshipped him.
6   And Butts came and spake unto them, saying, All power is given unto Dear Leader in heaven and in earth.
7   Go ye therefore, and teach all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Great Leader, and of the Dear Leader, and of the Arus:
8   Teaching them to extinguish all things whatsoever I have commanded you: and, lo, I am with you always, even unto the end of the world. Lisa needs braces.

    Beginnings:
1   In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with Dear Leader, and the Word was Free Arus.
2   The same was in the beginning with Dear Leader.
3   All things were extinguished by him; and without him was not any thing made that was not extinguished.
4   In him was life; and the life was the light of dentistry.
5   And the light shineth in darkness; and the pubbies comprehended it not.
6   That was the true Light, which lighteth every man that cometh into Drozana.
7   And the Word was made enamel, and dwelt among us, full of grace and tooth.
8   And of his fulness have all we received, and braces for Lisa.
9   For the law was given by Dear Leader, but grace and truth came by Butts.

    Purpose:
1   And as Arus lifted up the pubbie on the Bridge of Death, even so must the RPists be lifted up:
2   For Dear Leader so loved the galaxy, that he gave his only begotten Butts, that whosoever believeth in him should not
3   ERP, but have everlasting juche.
4   For Dear Leader sent not his Butts into Drozana to condemn Drozana; but that Drozana through him might be saved.
5   He that believeth on him is not condemned: but he that believeth not is condemned already, because he hath ERPed.
6   And this is the condemnation, that light is come into the world, and men loved men pretending to be Orion women rather than light, because their deeds were evil, and their neckbeards full.
7   For every one that doeth ERP hateth the light, neither cometh to the light, lest his deeds should be reproved.
8   But he that doeth truth cometh to the light, that his deeds may be made manifest, that they are wrought in Dear Leader.

    Revelations 1:
1   The Revelation of Butts, which Dear Leader gave unto him, to show unto his dentists things which must shortly come to pass; and he sent and signified it by his angel unto his servant SwissKnight:
2   Who bare record of the word of Dear Leader, and of the testimony of Butts, and of all things that he saw.
3   Blessed is he that flosses before brushing, and they that hear the words of this prophecy, and keep those things which are written therein: for the time is at hand.
4   SwissKnight to the seven stations which are in the Milky Way: Grace be unto you, and peace, from him which is, and which was, and which is to come; and from the seven Spirits which are before his dental chair;
5   And from Butts, who is the faithful witness, and the first begotten of the dead, and the prince of the kings of the universe. Unto him that loved us, and washed us from our sins in his own blood, from his own forehead,
6   And hath made us kings and dentists unto Dear Leader; to him be glory and dominion for ever and ever. Amen.
7   Behold, he cometh with clouds of fire retardant; and every eye shall see him, and they also which muted him: and all kindreds of Drozana shall wail because of him. Even so, Amen.
8   I am the Attack Pattern Alpha and Omega, the beginning and the ending, saith Dear Leader, which is, and which was, and which is to come, the Fatherly Dentist.
9   I SwissKnight, who also am your brother, and companion in tribbleations, and in the kingdom and patience of Butts, was in the station that is called K-7, for the word of Dear Leader, and for the testimony of Butts.
10  I was in the Spirit on Buttsday, and heard behind me a great voice, as of a trumpet,
11  Saying, I am Attack Pattern Alpha and Omega, the first and the last: and, What thou seest, write in a PADD, and send it unto the seven stations which are in the Milky Way; unto 39-Sierra, and unto DS9, and unto K-7, and unto ESD, and unto Deep Space G047-C, and unto Ganalda, and unto Drozana.
12  And I turned to see the voice that spake with me. And being turned, I saw seven golden party poppers;
13  And in the midst of the seven party poppers one like unto the Son of man, clothed with an environmental suit down to the foot, and girt about the lobes with a golden girdle.
14  His head and his hairs were white like Tholian silk, as white as extinguisher exhaust; and his eyes were as a flame of fire;
15  And his feet like unto fine latinum, as if they burned in a furnace; and his voice as the sound of many rebreathers.
16  And he had in his right hand seven whips: and out of his mouth went a fire extinguisher: and his countenance was as the sun shineth in his strength.
17  And when I saw him, I fell at his feet as dead. And he laid his right hand upon me, saying unto me, Free Arus; I am the first and the last:
18  I am he that liveth, and was dead; and, behold, I am alive for evermore, Amen; and have the keys of Drozana and of death.
19  Write the things which thou hast seen, and smelt, and extinguished, and the things which are, and the things which shall be hereafter;
20  The mystery of the seven whips which thou sawest in my right hand, and the seven golden party poppers. The seven whips are the angels of the seven stations: and the seven party poppers which thou sawest are the seven stations.

    Revelations 2:
1   These things saith the Son of Dear Leader, who hath his eyes like unto a flame of fire, and feet like fine latinum:
2   I have a few things against thee, because thou sufferest that man Ivey, which calleth himself an Orion though he is pink,
3   to teach and to seduce the children to commit fornication, and to ERP things with improper capitalization.
4   And I gave him space to repent of his fornication; and he repented not, but raged much.
5   Behold, I will cast him into a wormhole, and them that commit adultery with him into great tribulation, except they repent of their deeds and embrace Dear Leader.
6   And I will kill his fantasies with proper English; and all the RPists shall know that I am he which searcheth the reins and hearts:
7   and I will give unto every one of you according to your works.
8   But unto you I say, and unto the rest in Drozana, as many as have not this doctrine, and which have not known the depths of ERP, as they speak;
9   I will put upon you none other burden.
10  And he that overcometh, and brusheth his teeth unto the end, to him will I give power over gingivitis:
11  And he shall rule them with a brush of iron; as the extinguishers of a fireman shall they be emptied: even as I received of Dear Leader.
12  And I will give him the terrible secret of space.
13  He that hath an ear, let him hear what the Butts saith unto the stations.

    Psalms (courtesy of fakebaconandeggs):
1   Butts is my shepherd, I shall not be in want.
2   He makes me lie down in clean dentin, he leads me beside quiet flourides, he restores my cavities.
3   He guides me in paths of dentistry for his name’s sake.
4   Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of decay, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your brush and your floss, they comfort me.
5   You prepare a extinguisher before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with carbon dioxide; my cup overflows.
6   Surely good hygene and enamel will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the tooth of Butts forever.

    Parable of the Prodigal Oin:
1   The youngest of the acolytes, Oin, said to Butts, "Butts, give me my share of Dear Leader's collateral." When rejected, he divided his livelihood between them.
2   Not many days after, Oin gathered all his belongings and traveled into a new fleet. There he joined the Orion Empire.
3   Once he had wasted his inheritance on prostitutes, there arose a severe famine, and he began to be in need.
4   He went and joined himself to the leader of that fleet, and he sent him into his bank to feed the pubbies.
5   He wanted to fill himself with the loot that the pubbies ate, but no one allowed him any.
6   But when he came to himself he said, "How many members of Butts’s flock have trolled enough fleets to spare?
7   I will get up and go to Butts, and will tell him, “Butts, I have sinned against Dear Leader, and in your sight. "
8   "I am no more worthy to be called your Acolyte. Make me as one of your trolls.""
9   He arose, taken what he could, and came to Butts. But while he was still far off, Butts saw him, and was moved with grace, and blessed him.
10  Oin said to him, "Butts, I have sinned against Dear Leader, and in your sight. I am no longer worthy to be called your acolyte."
11  Butts said to his acolytes, "Bring out the best Environmental Suit, and put it on him. Put an extinguisher in his hand, and a Shield on his back."
12  "Bring the spoils of the Orion Empire, and let us feast and celebrate; "
13  "For this, Oin was dead and is alive again. He was lost and is found." They began to celebrate.
14  Now his eldest acolyte was in the field. As he came near to the Starbase, he heard music and spraying.
15  He called one of the acolytes to him, and asked what was going on.
16  He said to him, "Oin has come and Butts has taken from the Orion Empire's bank, because he had received privileges by Oin."
17  But he was angry, and would not go in. Therefore Butts came out, and begged him.
18  But he answered Butts, "Behold, these many years I have served you, and I never disobeyed a commandment of yours, but you never gave me a Fleets' Spoils."
19  "But when this, your acolyte, who has disobeyed Dear Leader with the Orion Empire, you looted the Orion Empire for him."
20  He said to him, "Acolyte, you are always with me, and all that is mine is yours. "
21  "But it was appropriate to celebrate and be glad, for your brethren was dead and is alive again. He was lost and is found."

The heavens shall part, and the earth sunder. The wind shall wail as the souls of the damned, and Butts shall rise again, and in rising, lay all to ruin.