Popular Post Daveth Posted April 1, 2020 Popular Post Share Posted April 1, 2020 (edited) After thirteen brutal years and a failed Egyptian campaign, the Roman legions were captured and sold to their Carthaginian enemies. They endured all sorts of unspeakable horrors at the hands of their Punic captors. A handful of iron-willed Romans broke free of their chains one night, escaped their holding cells, freed their comrades, and silently boarded a small vessel that would lead them home to the Italian peninsula. Hearing the brave legionnaires' tales of imprisonment, the Senate, erupting into action—outraged by the obvious affront to the Republic—and called for a meeting that very afternoon. Senator Krampus, having had his daily fill of the tears of his oppressed members and slaves alike, spoke up: "Carthago is a necessary evil, a common enemy to keep all of Roma united. Carthago servanda est!" (Carthago must be saved) All the senators rose in fierce protest, outraged by this remark in light of the soldiers who had recently arrived, injured and beaten, having barely escaped with their lives. Lon: "Has anyone grabbed a pic of Asierith’s toes yet?" His voice echoed in the room followed by a heavy silence… Waldo: "Toe pics? Are the döners we stole not enough?" Lon: "You fool! What is the point of enjoying delicious döners if we know true victory against Carthago hasn’t yet been achieved?" Trouble: "God damn it, this is a stupid idea, but I love it, will there be any booze and pizza though?" Strett: "Of course there will. Listen, as long as the soldiers and their families are cared for, they'll need the absolute lowest taxations possible in order to survive, socialism will never work!" Velium rose and said: "The punics have a most curious religion, perhaps we should teach them the wrath of Mars and the prowess of the gods of Roma as we wage a fearsome war on them!?" And then, a man—a wealthy politician whom all in the assembly knew and truly respected—rose and walked to the center of the room so he could speak. Suddenly, the room was silent once more. "Our taxes should be as high as they can possibly be, since the state provides everything the plebs need, as long as I am able to hand out low interest loans we have nothing to fear" said Sphinx the Elder. He paused and a fruit fell from his toga, "I ask you," said he, "when and where, do you suppose, this juicy fruit was plucked from the tree?" Many in the room were of the opinion it must have been freshly picked from a nearby estate. "Know then,” he said, “that this fig was plucked in Carthago just yesterday – so near is the enemy to our walls." He paused for a brief moment and then said in a booming voice filled with confidence "Ceterum censeo Carthaginem esse delendam!" (therefore, it is my belief that Carthago must be destroyed). Many in the room raised their voices in agreement, they would go to war, for better or worse. General Daveth Scipio Africanus, formerly known as Dave the Slave, was summoned, eager to learn of the mission the senate had bestowed upon him; soon the troops any able man willing to support the campaign, set sail for Carthago and the riches and glory that awaited. There would be no quarter given, the people of Roma would settle for nothing short of the complete destruction of the city to satiate their bloodthirst for revenge. TL;DR Asierith thought he’d be safe today, he was wrong. SPQR declares war on Carthago. Edited April 2, 2020 by Daveth 14 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TribemanStalin Posted April 1, 2020 Share Posted April 1, 2020 Go back home pizza eaters smh Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zygon Posted April 1, 2020 Share Posted April 1, 2020 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
evilpiggyfoofoo Posted April 1, 2020 Share Posted April 1, 2020 "silently boarded a small vessel that would lead them home to the Italian peninsula." Uh oh It was all part of Carthago's plan, send Daveth back to Rome along with Coronavirus. Get him to meet with 50+ people in a jam packed senate house, and spread it all over Italy. Told you not to drink the bat soup while you were in jail. Now thousands of Romans are dead because of you ? Quote Order fresh quality ads, flags, and graphics at Makin'Bacon! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cypher Posted April 1, 2020 Share Posted April 1, 2020 Those city deletions are going to hit you guys pretty hard. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Denison Posted April 1, 2020 Share Posted April 1, 2020 Quote Janny Larpers Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sphinx Posted April 1, 2020 Share Posted April 1, 2020 Carthago Delenda Est!!! Glory to the Sons of Mars. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Majima Goro Posted April 1, 2020 Share Posted April 1, 2020 Where were you when ET rolled KT? I was at home watching anime girls when phone come ET is rolling KT Yes! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shiho Nishizumi Posted April 1, 2020 Share Posted April 1, 2020 1 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sir Scarfalot Posted April 1, 2020 Share Posted April 1, 2020 (edited) Is fixed now, gg Edited April 1, 2020 by Sir Scarfalot Fixt Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Daveth Posted April 1, 2020 Author Share Posted April 1, 2020 2 minutes ago, Sir Scarfalot said: ~Snip That issue has been fixed, friend. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sir Scarfalot Posted April 1, 2020 Share Posted April 1, 2020 2 minutes ago, Daveth said: That issue has been fixed, friend. Fair enough Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Viselli Posted April 1, 2020 Share Posted April 1, 2020 Waiting for someone to report this April Fools joke for slot filling Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Daveth Posted April 1, 2020 Author Share Posted April 1, 2020 38 minutes ago, Viselli said: Waiting for someone to report this April Fools joke for slot filling This is no joke, we must unite and take up arms in order to bring down the greatest threat to our civilization! 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Asierith Posted April 1, 2020 Share Posted April 1, 2020 Day 1 of Incarceration: Bloody Romanophiles Alas, the day that I have feared for so long has finally arrived. The Romans, long kept at bay by vague promises of potatoes and radio shows, have risen up and deposed us. The cities have been pillaged, land salted and the banner of Rome stands upon the ashes of our Empire. Yet, perhaps worst of all, that foul emperor stands triumphant above us, laughing as he sentenced me. Oh, and the food here sucks. Bloody sodium overdose is going to give me a stroke. Signed: The Lonely Ex-Elder 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sval Posted April 1, 2020 Share Posted April 1, 2020 Victory will be mine, when we meet in small claims court. Quote <~Sval[OWR]> I am your father.<+Curufinwe> Can confirm Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Asierith Posted April 1, 2020 Share Posted April 1, 2020 (edited) 14 hours ago, Viselli said: Waiting for someone to report this April Fools joke for slot filling This aged well Edited April 1, 2020 by Asierith I'm stupid 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bobert Posted April 1, 2020 Share Posted April 1, 2020 4 hours ago, Sval said: Victory will be mine, when we meet in small claims court. *angry Guinea Pig noises* Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NightKnight Posted April 1, 2020 Share Posted April 1, 2020 (edited) Seems no one can enjoy life and have fun these days without getting offended, smh. You guys really need to calm down. Good April Fools joke Edited April 1, 2020 by NightKnight 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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