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[DoE] For twelve years, you have been asking: Who is John Goon?


Do Not Fear Jaz
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Alright we're on page 3, here's the tl;dr

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Player 2 has entered the game

Preamble:

GONOS (hereafter referred to as GOONS) is an invasion alliance from a dead comedy forum with one goal, to relive our glory days through cheap shots at the general PnW forums.

Blasphemy I: Admission

Admission into GOONS is achieved in two steps. Either, by laying down an offering of :10bux: to That Pig or, the nation must submit at least one hilarious comic as to why we should allow them to join, MSPaint preferred. Upon completion of one of these steps, the nation shall receive protection.

Applying nations must not be a part of any existing alliance.

 

Blasphemy II: Government & The Closet

GOONS Closet: The Closet of GOONS is the governing body of the alliance. Any member of the Closet may ban any member from the alliance and may also reject membership to anyone. However, they must wrangle together at least two other members of the Closet to agree to these actions before they may be implemented.

El Presidente la Langosta (Lobster president): In charge of the entire alliance. All decisions that will affect the welfare of the Goon Order of Ordnances, Neutrality & Sabotage will be made by them.

Optimus Prime Minister: Second in command, with similar standing and power as the Presidente. All legislative measures (as well as election cycles) are handled by the OPM.

Hambassidor: Will handle requests from other alliances, These requests included, but are not limited to: Embassy Requests, Diplomatic Missions, etc. Also is required to perform various sexual favours over the course of their tenure.

Lard Commandante: Coordinates and implements offensive & defensive strategies. Oversees the overall military structure of the alliances.

Secretary of GOONification: Responsible for maintaining and creating guides and other materials to assist member nations in the planning and execution of nation building. Is also the alliance's discord nanny and janitor.

Hurr Comm: Somehow manages to type out sentences which, hopefully, will properly instruct the alliance on how to carry out orders laid out by the Closet.

Let it be known that members of the Closet are essentially on the same level as one another when it comes to decision making. However, the Presidente/Lobster and Optimus Prime Minister will generally get their way most of the time.

Blasphemy III: War

It is at the discretion of the Closet to determine to what extent the alliance will spread grief upon the masses. However, it is a fair assumption that it will be a great deal. Members of the alliance are expected to have educated themselves in not only the proper ways of war profiteering but also curbstomping.

Blasphemy V: Foreign Affairs

Peacetime
I. In times of peace, GOONS recognize the sovereignty and security of other alliances. An "alliance" is defined as any group operating under the same Alliance Affiliation with membership of 20 or more. Exceptions may be made both for smaller groups we wish to recognize and larger groups we do not, should the closet so decide.
Unaligned nations are not afforded the protection given to alliance members, and may be attacked at the discretion of individual GOONS members. Should a GOONS member bite off more than he can chew and get beaten up while attacking an unaligned nation, he does not have an expectation of backup from other colonies, unless the beating up comes from members of a recognized alliance, in which case this may be taken as an act of war on their behalf. 

II. Treaties with other alliances, of non-aggression, optional defense, mutual defense, and other forms, may be drafted by the Foreign Minister, but should not be considered binding on the side of GOONS unless signed by the Lobster or, in his absence, the Optimus Prime Minister.

Wartime
I. While GOONS will endeavor to maintain peaceful relations with all recognized alliances, they accept that there are times when diplomacy must be continued by other means.
Should GOONS be called upon to make war upon another alliance, either by unilateral decision, or through treaty obligation, war will be declared following either a majority vote of the closet, or unanimous decision of the Lobster, OPM, and Hambassidor. 

II. Should a nation, either in a war or outside of a declared war, commit actions considered heinous and reprehensible to GOONS, the closet reserves the right to declare this nation an Enemy Of GOONS, at which point their name will be added to the Enemies Of GOONS list, and they may be attacked at will by GOONS members. Common offenses that may cause EoG status are military violence against a GOONS nation outside of war, military aid to an enemy of GOONS, and continued and incessant provocation. The Lobster and OPM may unanimously add or remove names from the EoG list, or names may be added by majority vote of the Closet. The list of Enemies will be in a public part of our discord, and those on our Enemies list are permitted one petition per month to be removed, which will be heard by the Lard Commandante or an appointed representative. Removal is not in any way guaranteed, indeed assumption of removal may be used as grounds to keep someone on the list. The expectation is for the petitioner to explain why they should be granted clemency, not the alliance to explain why they should not.

III. Operational Security: Spying is absolutely forbidden in GOONS. Any nation found to be transmitting secure information on GOONS out of the alliance will be removed immediately and placed on the EoG list.

Blasphemy V: Closing Haikus

You think you're big.

With your fancy little words.

This is not so hard.

 I'm much funnier.
when i am drunk off my butt.
sadly, i'm sober.

 Five syllables here.

Seven more syllables here.

Are you happy now?

/s/

Do Not Fear Jazz, El Presidente la Langosta
[REDACTED], Optimus Prime Minister
JT Jag, Hambassidor
Khris Kruel, Lard Commandante
Azure, Secretary of GOONification
Sardonic, Hurr Comm
Comrade Marx, Penile Envoy

Officially protected by Pacifica.

Also, Noctis Anarch Caelum (hereby referred to as Methrage), will be the first contestant on our Enemy of GOONS list. 

Discord: https://discord.gg/u9m8aDG

 

Also of note, in the quiet month or so we've existed we've conducted just shy of 400 raids.

raids.png

Edited by JT Jag

 

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ONE WORLD OR NONE
CyberNations veteran, Co-Pilot Emeritus
Hambassidor (Head Ambassador (Minister of Foreign Affairs)), Head of the Ministry of Log Dumping, GOONS

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Guest Elijah Mikaelson
14 minutes ago, Noctis Anarch Caelum said:

Good to see you were serious about leaving bygones behind when applying for Fark. Lol

You left Fark when it came out you was nothing more than a spy for BK. Next?

 

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1 hour ago, Elijah Mikaelson said:

You left Fark when it came out you was nothing more than a spy for BK. Next?

Not a spy & still with Fark. No permission downgrades. So lulz, moron.

I moved off AA unrelated & mentioning a bounty to someone isn’t spying. You’re so dumb.

 

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Guest Elijah Mikaelson
6 hours ago, Noctis Anarch Caelum said:

Not a spy & still with Fark. No permission downgrades. So lulz, moron.

I moved off AA unrelated & mentioning a bounty to someone isn’t spying. You’re so dumb.

 

well for 21 cities huge infra levels, you are talking might big for someone that most hate, like more than they hate me lol, who knows when i drop out of VM i might see if i can help you lower those infra levels.

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23 minutes ago, Elijah Mikaelson said:

well for 21 cities huge infra levels, you are talking might big for someone that most hate, like more than they hate me lol, who knows when i drop out of VM i might see if i can help you lower those infra levels.

If you think I'm worried about you, lol.

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Guest Elijah Mikaelson
1 minute ago, Noctis Anarch Caelum said:

If you think I'm worried about you, lol.

This is about Goons, why do you have to take every topic and try to make it about you?

I will simply stop replying to you within this topic Notic's wait metherage plus you should be if you want to keep that infra

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7 minutes ago, Elijah Mikaelson said:

This is about Goons, why do you have to take every topic and try to make it about you?

I will simply stop replying to you within this topic Notic's wait metherage plus you should be if you want to keep that infra

You did, look back a few posts genius.

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27 minutes ago, kosmokenny said:

 

Pointless to let him sit in VC on our AA; although clear he doesn’t want to get along & looking forward to him coming out.

Although back on topic, this was a classic by Grieftopia if going down memory lane. 

image0.jpg

image1.jpg

image2.jpg

Fun times, lol.

 

Edited by Noctis Anarch Caelum
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10 hours ago, Noctis Anarch Caelum said:

Pointless to let him sit in VC on our AA; although clear he doesn’t want to get along & looking forward to him coming out.

Although back on topic, this was a classic by Grieftopia if going down memory lane. 

image0.jpg

image1.jpg

image2.jpg

Fun times, lol.

 

Does the word goon cause you to sweat visibly? This is not on topic at all beyond having the word "goon" in it.

 

You must be a real unique kind of mess.

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3 minutes ago, Do Not Fear Jazz said:

Does the word goon cause you to sweat visibly? This is not on topic at all beyond having the word "goon" in it.

 

You must be a real unique kind of mess.

Find GOONS funny actually, you bring a comedy angle to the game. Why would I sweat at a joke?

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3 hours ago, Noctis Anarch Caelum said:

lol, I remember you. Weren’t a fish before though.

I was, in Neutral Shoving, when I got banned for changing my nation info to say "suck a dick, !@#$min" over and over while simulatenously nuking Bilrow to ZI.  I came back for Negligence and Sadism and was the Strategos for a year and a half until I got burnt out, then as I was giving my tech to my fellow goons on the way to deletion Roquentin reported me for ban evasion.  That was 7 years ago, and I'm not sure why I'm back playing a game like this other than to hang with these fools again.  They're a goddamn perfect blight on society.

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