Letter From The Ministry of Cool Affairs (me)

[Albert I of Belgium]

Message from the
Kingdom of Belgium

Hey hey hey guys, it's your favourite monarch King 'Big Dick' Albert I of Belgium here.
<<Disclaimer: King Albert I of Belgium is not responsible for any failed marriages as a result of him not being your favourite monarch>>

 

So today marks the first instance of the Ministry of Cool Affairs' reports, these are made public so that other leaders can read this and weep in their own mediocrity.

First order of business was a bunch of cool alien-dudes calling themselves the Guardians of the Galaxy came knocking at my palace one day begging me to lend my military might to their cause, when i asked them what they could offer me they all looked at eachother and in unison shrugged. My minister of foreign affairs told me that joining those brigands would be a bad PR move and would lead the nation into inevitable global conflict, i promptly fired him because what does he know about complex foreign affairs. Then i had him hung because he forgot to return the Hannah Montana boxset i lent him, he said he'd give it back but i call bullshit.

Second order of business is that apparantly the nation got led into a global conflict, so i sent the Royal Air Boys to bomb some blokes calling themselves the Black Knights because that's what uncle Leo would've wanted.

Third order of business is that my minister of war just informed me that BK is on our side of the conflict, so i had him executed for so carelessly wasting our time and money on the wrong dudes, seriously, what does he know about warfare anyways? After that i sent the RAB to a bunch of foreigners that like sniffing roses or something?????

Fourth and final order of business is my brand new single called "B1G 4L OF B3" is hitting the market next thursday, a word of warning though; my court physician has concluded that side effects of listening include but are not limited to: penile extension, testosterone production increase, a manly as all hell beard, and wealth. So listen at your own discretion

 

Albert out
Peace

Edited July 6, 2019 by xXx_4LB3RT_1S_R4D_xXx