Popular Post Adrienne Posted April 1, 2019 Popular Post Share Posted April 1, 2019 Prologue Adrienne put down Oathbringer for the 73rd time. Like all good Radiants, she made sure to religiously re-read all of Sanderson's novels every week. At first they had sustained her, fueling her conviction that the Stormlight Archive was the ultimate fantasy series. But the stormlight was growing dim, the stories ever more dull, like cold soup. Where was the excitement, adventure, and really wild things? High fantasy with no dragons? Even Rothfuss has dragons! Subtly, her gaze shifted to her copy of A Dance with Dragons. She had bought the book purely to make fun of its terrible writing, of course. As a true Sanderson fan, she would never be caught dead enjoying the ‘prose’ of George R. R. Martin. And yet….it had everything. Incest! Graphic sex and violence (and rock and roll)! Medieval political intrigue so deep you’d fail your AP Euro exam accidentally writing about the Red Wedding. 3 pages of discourse on cheese. And of course, dragons. Not to mention all the catchy slogans….’The Everstorm is Coming’ just doesn’t have the same cachet. Why were they based on Stormlight again? A bunch of mentally broken people teaming up with magic fairies to fight the great evil? It was something out of a children's book. The characters in Game of Thrones murdered, pillaged and trampled over peasants like real adults. And there were consequences, too. I mean, it’s already the third Stormlight book and Sanderson still hasn’t killed off the entire main cast and replaced them with less interesting side characters! You call that a narrative? She thought back to the oath she swore when first joining the Radiants. Journey before destination. The words still had power, but perhaps not in the way she once thought. What better exemplification of the ideal than the Song of Ice and Fire, an epic journey that will likely never reach its destination at all? It was obvious now. The true Way of Kings leads only to the Iron Throne. She was not meant to be Queen of the Heralds, but Queen of the Andals, the Rhoynar and the First Men. There would be dissent, no doubt, but nothing a little poison couldn’t fix. Playing the hero was over. It was time to play the Game of Thrones. By Royal Decree The Knights Radiant is hereby disbanded, and all copies of the Stormlight Archive are to be burned for heresy. Henceforth, TKR shall be known as the Seven Kingdoms, and embrace George R. R. Martin as the Author who was Promised. Government Iron Throne: Adrienne Targaryen, First of her Name, Queen of the Andals, the Rhoynar and the First Men, Lord of the Seven Kingdoms, Protector of the Realm. May her reign be as long as the time it takes George R. R. Martin to write a book. Small Council: Hand of the Queen and Master of Coin: Schirminator Arryn, Lord of the Eyrie, Warden of the East. Lord Commander: Benfro Stark, Lord of Winterfell, Lord Paramount and Warden of the North. Grand Maester: Sojourner Tyrell, Lord of Highgarden, Lord Paramount of the Reach, Warden of the South Master of Whispers: GoldyHammer Lannister, Lord of Casterly Rock, Lord Paramount of the Westerlands, Warden of the West 4 11 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Mikey Posted April 1, 2019 Popular Post Share Posted April 1, 2019 (edited) My magnum opus! And I won't even get to harvest the rep ? Time to make up for it in the comments.... Everybody: SK will never be back in the top 5 Me: Edited April 1, 2019 by Mikey 3 11 Quote Archduke Tyrell, Lord of Highgarden, Lord Paramount of the Reach, Warden of the South, Breaker of Forums. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GoldyHammer Posted April 1, 2019 Share Posted April 1, 2019 I GoldyHammer Lannister, Lord of Casterly Rock, Lord Paramount of the Westerlands, Warden of the West approve this message and am pleased that our leader has come to her senses and embraced the one true truth - the simple fact that dragons are better than faeries. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Micchan Posted April 1, 2019 Share Posted April 1, 2019 brb going to leak all our future war plans 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Theodosius Posted April 1, 2019 Popular Post Share Posted April 1, 2019 >Sheepy when he realizes at least 12 credits have been spent on April Fools 3 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Epi Posted April 1, 2019 Share Posted April 1, 2019 (edited) 996 Edited February 17, 2021 by Epi Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hope Posted April 1, 2019 Share Posted April 1, 2019 finally, who liked that squeegee guy anyways Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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