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Amid over-active whale population, Japan encourages commercial and recreational whaling


Itachi
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Tokyo, Japan

10/25/2018, 2:30PM JST

In a Press Release coming out of the capital of Japan, Tokyo, this afternoon, Emperor Vent has announced that the government of Japan's Committee on the Scientific Whaling Study has determined it to be necessary and safe for all citizens to partake in an aggressive whale population decrease effort. The government will be offering free or reduced equipment to assist in the efforts of the people to actively pursue the over-active whale population in addition to offering bounties for whales meeting strict size requirements. When asked what has prompted this at this moment in time, the Emperor had this to say.

 

"I feel that the people of Japan, and our way of life, are in danger as the population and aggressiveness of the whales has dramatically increased in the past 72 hours. The time is now for the Japanese people to show the world that we will not allow over sized sacks of accumulated fat to threaten our great nation."

"Do you feel that the efforts of the government of Japan are enough to get the average citizen out and hunting whales?"

"I do, as we are paying 25 Million Yen for all killed whales meeting the size factor of 30 or higher, based on our own sizing charts. A copy of these charts may be obtained by visiting the Japanese Whale Hunting Agency's website."

 

The government of Japan has made it very clear that it is taking the threat of whales very seriously and intends to do everything in it's power to combat the whales. When asked about foreign cooperation, the Minister for Agriculture and Wildlife, Kitase Hiragachi, had this to say:

 

"We are working very closely with a large number of other nations. Many other nations have agreed with Japanese proposals to encourage a world-wide effort in stopping the increasingly dangerous whale populations."

"Are all whales equally dangerous in these trying times?"

"Actually, no. There have been reports of a number of whales rising up to oppose the aggressive whales. Every day we receive information on more and more whales attacking groups of other whales in an effort to assist us in defeating them. You can expect a Japanese report on this matter in the coming days, after we have had time to discover the nature of these 'friendly whales' and what exactly that means for the Japanese people."

 

With all of that crucial information, many reporters still have many questions. The Japanese government has assured all of the media present at the Press Release that it fully intends to remain transparent and communicate its efforts to both the Japanese people and the people of the world. 

Edited by Vent
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In response to another, recent surge in whale activity levels, Japan has doubled down on our stance against whales and strongly encourage all citizens to actively hunt and mercilessly slaughter whales.

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  • 4 weeks later...
On 6/19/2019 at 9:51 PM, Vent said:

In response to another, recent surge in whale activity levels, Japan has doubled down on our stance against whales and strongly encourage all citizens to actively hunt and mercilessly slaughter whales.

First starting with tCW

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Yeet on all the fascists, viva la revolution mofo - Josip Broz for all dem Titos and Tities

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