Popular Post Thalmor Posted April 26, 2018 Popular Post Share Posted April 26, 2018 Comrade Johnny Costello has started the revolution! Comrades all across Orbis have broken into their alliance banks and have seized all of the warchest materials within. Millions of steel, munitions, gasoline, and aluminum have been funneled into the eager hands of the partisan militias... It's time for the evildoers to be destroyed! Below, a list of undesirables have been published, and sent to various party commissars embedded in militias spread across Orbis. Their names read as follows: As I typed this, telegrams are coming in from all over Orbis at the success the revolutionary forces are having at bringing these criminals to justice. I will relay to you all the best I can the things I am hearing: --- AkAk, having knowledge bestowed upon him from Rozalia in the afterlife, was quick to fortify Roz Wei. Large, thick walls made from an unknown, rock-like material have surrounded Roz Wei. All attempts to break through have failed. ---- While it is well-known by now that Rozalia has already met his fate at our righteous hands, little is known about the circumstances surrounding his fall. All that is known is that, even surrounded, Rozalia fought at full strength, chanting in some unknown language. In the end, it took the full strength of Alex himself to terminate Rozalia. The scum has finally been vanquished. Praise the Revolution! --- Next, the revolution's sight was on Mad Max. Mad Max changed his name and fled between different alliances to avoid capture, but was eventually cornered and surrendered peacefully. The photo has been edited to protect the identity of the brave xir that made the arrest. --- DragonK proved hard to find, but his ship was eventually located. After refusing to surrender, the Orbis Revolutionary Navy fired upon DragonK's singular vessel. Despite losing dozens of ships, the ORN successfully sank DragonK's vessel. DragonK chose to go down with his ship. It's last radio transmissions, interestingly, sounded like somebody was playing War Thunder. An investigation has been launched. --- Both being German, it wasn't surprising that Horsecock and Geralt would team up. Both men have worked quite well together, eliminating all platoons sent to capture them. As it stands now, both men are on the run. Elite teams of the Orbis Revolutionary Army (O.R.N.) is tracking them. If you have any information that would lead to their capture, please PM me on Discord. There is a $500,000 cash reward (funds pending). --- Piggy was remarkably easy to apprehend and capture. Unfortunately, he couldn't be brought to trial as the soldiers who captured him quickly slaughtered him and ate him. I know things are bad, but there is no excuse for this. Those men should've had enough food to last them 3 weeks. We need to do something about securing more food for the O.R.A. --- Quickly after piggy was eaten, James XVI was discovered. Revolutionary fighters quickly- No. Just no. Get outta here with that bullshit. - Buorhann Damn commies --- Manthrax was up next. Using his experience from sinking tens of thousands of hours into X-com, he was able to put up a great fight. Many O.R.N. fighters died trying to stop him. However, like all evildoers who are against the people, he to was brought down through our superior tactics. --- After the fall of Manthrax, the revolutionaries caught up with Justin. However, unlike previous undesireables where the target was unable to be captured due to them fighting back and killing most of the men sent in to capture them, Justin was able to turn all O.R.N. fighters against the revolution. Approximately 112% of all O.R.N. fighters sent to capture Justin deserted. Upon return, they all sang 'God's Plan' and talked about how 'Trudeau is a dirty traitor to Canada.' Research is being done into how this was possible. Justin is still at large. Make sure each of those traitorous bastards gets the bullet. --- Lightning was soon discovered, and many teams of elite O.R.N. fighters were sent in to deal with her. Although many lives were lost, the brave men and women of the glorious revolution finally brought her to justice using one of Rozalia's own heavenly weapons. --- Finally, it was Shiho's turn to answer to the people. O.R.N. forces surrounded him and- Not gonna tell you again, Thalmor. You need to stop this. Don't make me do this a third time. - Buorhann --- As the revolution grew, so to did the need to bring down the sources of all the scourage. One of the most toxic alliances in Orbis, Knights Templar, was picked to be assaulted. Weakened from the most recent war, they were in a prime spot now to be attacked by all forces of the revolution. And attacked they were. We descended upon them like snow in an avalanche. The Templars had to pay for their sins. Sins that they think they're absolved from because they fight for 'God.' I personally had a bone to pick with Theo. He had stolen the Templar throne from me. And such a dispute can only be resolved by bloodshed. For the revolution, comrades! --- Although most of our forces were tied up fighting the Templars, Shifty was already on the move, and so we had to deploy forces to take him out. Many Teachers on How To Theorize (T.H.O.T.) - core teachers on Orbis revolutionary theory - had been killed by Shifty. With so many of our philosophers killed, it was clear he posed a massive threat to our revolution. Unfortunately, Shifty has continued to prove himself too hard to catch. The few times he had been found he was able to successfully dispatch with the brave O.R.N. personnel engaging him. Fret not! This threat will be dealt with! --- Epi, a minor target in the revolution, was easily caught by infiltrators within Atlas. We thank the brave non-binary individuals of the 2nd Transgendered Police Battalion, the 'Screaming Soyboys', for their bravery in Epi's arrest. --- Kastor, instead of having to be hunted apprehended by revolutionary forces, peacefully turned himself in. He was placed in a local prison under the supervisor of local forces until a commissar could've taken him in. Roughly a few hours after being imprisoned, Kastor had somehow managed to convince all prison staff to make them his leader. Furthermore, he was somehow able to grow his list of supporters to the point where he was able to get into the headquarters of the revolution and, as one witness put it, 'flex on that little !@#$ Thalmor'. Kastor was reportedly distressed when he found out Thalmor was away fighting KT. Kastor was able to escape, and is currently on the run as elite O.R.N. forces chase after him. This is an emergency. All of the cash and resources we stockpiled went missing. I don't know how this could've happened. We need to think of a plan immediately. ---- Insert Name Here, Codonian, and Patrick Higgins all teamed up together (likely inspired by the Horsecock-Geralt pairing). All three went on the offensive, dealing a lot some damage. Fortunately, they bit off more than they could chew, and were captured. Codonian died in the process. Following the capture of Insert Name Here and Patrick Higgins, the decision was made to execute all prisoners currently in O.R.N. hands. Therefore, Insert Name Here, Patrick Higgins, Epimethus, and Mad Max were all lined up and shot like that reactionary garage that they are. Before that, though, all of them except Mad Max was forced to undergo gender reassignment surgery so they could feel how oppressed they made women. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Isn't revolution beautiful? While half of the scumbags on the list have been dealt with, the other half remains. They will have their day at the end of rope in court for their sins against the people. You might be asking yourself, 'Thalmor, isn't this excessive? Do these people really need to be killed?' YES! I'm only obeying the ignitor of the revolution. Although perhaps I am going to far, because in his post he said they should only be banned for wrongthink: But, then again, maybe drastic action is the only option we have left: Because, let's be real, banning and 'stomping out' is the only appropriate response to a 'lack in correct thought': --- HEIL SOCIAL JUSTICE HEIL VICTORY 4 23 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
丂ħ̧i̧₣ɫ̵γ͘ ̶™ Posted April 26, 2018 Share Posted April 26, 2018 [removed for nazism] They will never take Shifty alive. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Flavee Posted April 26, 2018 Share Posted April 26, 2018 (edited) Thalmor tell me how did you turned Epi into a girl in last? Edited April 26, 2018 by Flavee Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Defunct Posted April 26, 2018 Share Posted April 26, 2018 (edited) . Edited April 9, 2019 by Mihailius Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Johnny Costello Posted April 26, 2018 Share Posted April 26, 2018 You know. I kinda like that flag. Quote I hold the Right to my own Fate Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dobby the Free Elf Posted April 26, 2018 Share Posted April 26, 2018 who is baseball guy? 1 Quote Quiet people have the loudest minds. A wise man once said nothing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Theodosius Posted April 26, 2018 Share Posted April 26, 2018 Reporting heavy fighting outside the Templar castle. While the initial charge of Thalmor's Revolutionary Army has been repelled, we are sure more are to come. Time to bring out the artillery. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sketchy Posted April 26, 2018 Share Posted April 26, 2018 I'm still trying to figure out what Thrax did to be put on the list of undesirables lmfao. Social Justice types eating their own again I guess. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Flavee Posted April 26, 2018 Share Posted April 26, 2018 52 minutes ago, Dobby the Free Elf said: who is baseball guy? Ur mum Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Horsecock Posted April 26, 2018 Share Posted April 26, 2018 1 hour ago, Sketchy said: I'm still trying to figure out what Thrax did to be put on the list of undesirables lmfao. Social Justice types eating their own again I guess. Surely this appalling crime deserves only the most severe of punishments: 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Justin076 Posted April 26, 2018 Share Posted April 26, 2018 The bastards came for me but they were no match for my smooth talking Canadian ways. 2 Quote Chief Financial Officer of The Syndicate Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spaceman Thrax Posted April 26, 2018 Share Posted April 26, 2018 You are now on the LEADING EDGE REVOLUTIONARY UNDERSTANDINGS Every beginning contains its own end. Every falsehood contains its truth. Every loss betrays its gain. Every death is a life. The apt watchers of the Costello Bloodline may have pierced the veil of saying some nice things about a dude who was retiring. Seen through to the core of purest darkness from which I truly spoke, and uncovered the circle of contributors to the Forum/Porn Solution. But the die has been cast, with unerring rigging. We are here to make forums porn. We are here to make everything porn. Pornier than the pornest porn, times pornfinity. There are no more barriers to cross. Is porn something you are? Or is it something you link? My porn is constant and goat, and I do not hope for a better forum for anyone. In fact, I want my porn to be inflicted on others. I want no one to escape. But even after admitting this, there is no catharsis. There has been no reason for me to tell you any of this. This confession has meant nothing. 4 Quote Slaughter the shits of the world. They poison the air you breathe. ~ William S. Burroughs Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Godwinson Posted April 26, 2018 Share Posted April 26, 2018 2 hours ago, Justin076 said: The bastards came for me but they were no match for my smooth talking Canadian ways. Mlao save yourself Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Buorhann Posted April 26, 2018 Share Posted April 26, 2018 I fricking lost it. Quote Warrior of Dio https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mfPCFQfOnLg Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arkiri Arch Posted April 26, 2018 Share Posted April 26, 2018 mmmm Feed the Social Revolution! Kill all who disagree with us! Quote Officer Nasty reporting for duty. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aksel Posted April 28, 2018 Share Posted April 28, 2018 This was hilarious and I didn't even know it existed. I hardly make it anywhere on the forums. I still don't understand how I got on that list - in any case, this was a good read and entertained me while sitting at work. Just one question, why no gender reassignment? - I have assumptions, but you know when you assume. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Epi Posted April 28, 2018 Share Posted April 28, 2018 (edited) 527 Edited February 16, 2021 by Epi Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thalmor Posted April 28, 2018 Author Share Posted April 28, 2018 1 hour ago, Mad Max said: This was hilarious and I didn't even know it existed. I hardly make it anywhere on the forums. I still don't understand how I got on that list - in any case, this was a good read and entertained me while sitting at work. Just one question, why no gender reassignment? - I have assumptions, but you know when you assume. I couldn't find a good image of a firing squad online. The one I used has 3 women and 1 man, and I wanted a way to explain away why Epi, INH, and Patrich had tits. Somebody had to go without the surgery. 34 minutes ago, Epi said: Tbh i'm kinda proud, props to Atlas for giving them "Epimethus" instead of me "Epimetheus". Now i'm gonna go bone a girl that sounds just like me. o7 Viva la revolution You can run, but we'll find you before dawn. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Insert Name Here Posted May 6, 2018 Share Posted May 6, 2018 MyDragonK's ship! Quote Insert Name Here, Patrick Higgins, Epimethus, and Mad Max were all lined up and shot like that reactionary garage that they are. Something or Other Insert Name Here of Clogged Up Toilet declared a Ordinary war upon Supreme General Thalmor of The Evenstar. Insert Name Here's justification for the war was, "No ur a garage". 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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