A Helpful Guide for White People on Black Panther

[Rozalia]

https://medium.com/@sharhondaknottdawson/a-helpful-guide-for-white-people-on-black-panther-opening-weekend-2986cfbef36d

The Roz being a white man is willing to hear to advice given specifically for him for he is most humble. The Roz of course will not use any such advice for the Roz knows far more than these so called experts... but nevertheless... The Roz will take a look at it all. You guys are free to add your own thoughts:

Rule NUMBER 1: Absolutely no shhhhing!
Black people are an expressive, loud people. Expect noise and commentary, throughout the movie. Shhhhh’ing a Black person during Black Panther is the equivalent of calling us the n-word. Well, not the n-word, but pretty close. Basically don’t shhh us. If you are lucky, there will be another Black person who is at the movie, to actually watch the movie, that will do the shhhing for you. If not, you are out of luck.

Words of Roz: So lets see. It leads with a stereotype, an animalistic one you could say. It diminishes the punch of racism by making it equal to something very light. It states that white people should leave it to other black people to police themselves. Even the image it has if linked has a grown white woman and a black child... uh... this is what a parody of these sort of guys would look like.

RULE NUMBER 2: Colored People Time (CPT)
I know you will show up early to see the previews, Black people have waited too long and worked too hard on their outfits, to just sit in the dark. The entrance is part of the theater. We will be late. We will be using the stairway like a runway. And we will take lots and lots of pictures. (Because how else will people see how good we look)

Words of Roz: White people show up early... black people are late? Black people are also vain?

RULE NUMBER 3: EXPECT Dancing:
With all the focus being on the movie part of Black Panther, no one has talked much about the music. Apparently, there is an AMAZING Black Panther soundtrack to accompany the movie. Black people will dance and sing. It’s what we do. Will you miss parts of the movie because of our laughing and dancing? Yes. You have been warned. My advise, just enjoy the music.

Words of Roz: Wait... what? I watch wrestling and a gimmick for black wrestlers, if face, is actually dancing. The actual wrestlers have no problems with it and bloody hell have the New Day worked it into something great and beloved... but there is that small section of progressive types who see dancing + black = racism. So... is it not here?

RULE NUMBER 4: Seating
Okay, movie theaters have made the process of seating so much easier for everyone. At most theaters, you are assigned a seat on your ticket, which makes disputes almost null. But, again, look at rule number 1, Black folks will not be there on time, and when you add the time it takes for everyone in the theater to look at our outfits, the movie will probably have started by the time we get into our seats. If a Black person is in your assigned seat, and its a good chance that they will, this is how you handle it. Blame “the man.” Use this script and it you will be fine. “I hate when the movie theaters mess up my tickets. They ALWAYS mess up. Can you just check your seat assignment because I think they put the wrong seat on my ticket. They have me sitting here.”

Words of Roz: ??? Bizarre. So... blame the man if a black person inconveniences you? What? 

RULE NUMBER 5: Michael B. Jordan
Alright, he is the villain. Typically, the villain does not get positive affirmations from the crowd. Michael B. Jordan is fine as hell though. Each time he comes on the screen, we will cheer. When he takes off shirt , we will be loud. You will probably mess important parts of dialogue. Your White instinct to shhhh us, or go to the usher, is inappropriate. If you are going to the Black Panther movie to actually watch and hear the dialogue, wait until after opening weekend. Again, if you shhhhh us, well, you wouldn’t, because we will be extra pumped from Black Panther and will give you the cussing out of your life.

Words of Roz: Uh... as a white male I would not be concerned about black women cussing me, no reason that can't lead to some very fun times. It'd be the black men, men not man, that I'd be worried about. Ummm, "white instinct"... right.

RULE NUMBER 6: Expect random outburst of Black colloquiums:
“You better say that!” -“Werk!” -“Get yo shit and get out”(if Angela Basset says anything to anyone, we are immediately transported by to “Waiting to Exhale.” Any reference to Trump, White supremacy, or KKK, expect “frick that shit!” followed by a round of cheering, jeering at Trump, and maybe, if you are lucky in the right theater, you’ll get a group singalong. I don’t know what the song will be but I would predict the chorus to “formation” or “We gonna be alright” Kendrick Lamar, or the universal, “ heeeyyyy , heeeeyyyy ,” that isn’t really a song but more of a black battle cry that motivates us all.

Words of Roz: Isn't Black Panther in essence about maintaining culture and many other things that Trump is for? Hey Hey is a black battle cry also? What? Feels like this is some documentary on animals. "This here are the black people in their natural habitat. Listen to their Hey Heys and marvel". 

RULE NUMBER 7: No Cultural appropriation (The Rachel Dolezel Rule)
Okay, White people, you aren’t used to being told that you can not do things. But trust me, for the love of all things WONDERFULLY BLACK, trust me! DO NOT TRY AFRICAN INSPIRED OUTFITS OR HAIRSTYLES FOR THE MOVIE! I’ll do a link to cultural appropriation but the summary is just don’t do it! *The closest you can do is maybe a Black panther t-shirt, but only with your blue jeans or khaki’s . No cornrows, no baseball caps, nothing with the red, black and green flag on it.

*Maybe a Black Lives Matter shirt would be okay. I need to confer with the Black Delegation. (if you don’t know what the Black Delegation is, then you should definitely not wear the Black lives Matter shirt.

Words of Roz: Baseball caps are black culture clothing??? Is everything black if black people start using them? Also Rachel Dolezel? Transracism much?

RULE NUMBER 8: More on cultural appropriation
Black Panther is a sacred Black event, where we will finally feel free to be, our Blackest self. You, White person, will free the urge to “connect” and want to join in on the fun. Don’t. Please don’t try and “act black” or “talk black” or “dress black” or do “black handshakes.” Just smile and nod. And resist the urge to shhhh people. (That is honestly going to be your hardest struggle. The Blacks will be very loud.)

Words of Roz: ... A sacred black event? White people wanting to connect with black people and have fun together is... wrong... right. Though it is true that a white person, a white man especially should not "act black". After all the Nubian Queens like it when we're as they like it.

RULE NUMBER 9: GREAT OPPORTUNITY FOR REPARATIONS
Bring your Black friend and pay for their ticket. It is the closest to reparations we will ever get. Also, you get extra points is offer to purchase all foods. If there is a bar at the movie theater, you must order dark liquor. Absolutely no Budweiser or PBR’s, no specialized craft beer, no wine and none of the white people Crown and Coke, the Gin and Tonic. Dark liquor, cognac, straight or with cola only. Or just drink pop.

Follow these rules and you will be privy to a special moment in Black History. Remember, you are only an observer.; Not a participant.

To hear the entire dialogue of the film, I suggest you come the following weekends when the crowds have died down to actually watch the film.

Enjoy and Happy Black History Month! GO SEE BLACK PANTHER!

Words of Roz: Reparations? Dark liquor for black people only? White people are only observers? White people if they want to actually hear the movie should let all the black people watch it first, and when it's safe and black free watch the film then? 

Conclusion: If the far-right ever starts falling in popularity at least those involved always have the career path of progressive writer for rags open for them out there.  

[Buorhann]

I understand the article, but wow.  Good way to further cause issues (The author of the article, that is).  It has good intentions, but... damn.

Edited February 22, 2018 by Buorhann

[Holton]

>the quotes

wtf

>the responses

wtf

[Quichwe10]

..................Welp. 'Scuse me as I dip into a touch of weeabo.

 I am the executor of my mind
 My brain, its processor, and my hands, its tools. 
 I have witnessed over a thousand stupid statements
 Made of logic unknown to me,
 Nor known to sanity.
 Withstood mental pain to read many terrible articles, 
 Yet, these hands can never stop this ,
 And so, as I pray, UNLIMITED FACEPALMS.

 

I do believe this reaches up there as the epitome of "Not helping".

Edited March 7, 2018 by Quichwe10

[Ukunaka]

R E D A C T E D

Edited March 31, 2018 by ukunaka
Tacos