Kemal's Guide on How to Git Gud

[Kemal Ergenekon]

 

 

 

Kemal's Guide on How to Git Gud

 

 

Dedicated to Steve...

 

 

Greetings fellow Orbis-dwellers,

 

During my voyage through these shitpost-ridden saltlands that we call Orbis, I have come to notice certain patterns regarding the movements of the beasts known as alliances. I observed that some alliances excel at various aspects of the inter-alliance competition, regularly mining the salt from the opposing alliances to survive and thrive. On the other hand, I also observed some alliances that have superior numbers and capabilities, but always end on the supply side of the global salt markets. These observations are fascinating, and yet also quite thought-provoking.

 

The mysterious ingredient that lets the first group of alliances is known colloquially as "gitting gud." Yet the second group of alliances have always pointed out that it wasn't clear what "gitting gud" is, or how they could achieve it even if they knew what it was. This guide is meant to address this great concern, so that the global imbalances in the salt-market can be overcome, hopefully leading to more interesting inter-alliance competition. If you carefully read this guide, and stay true to its teachings, you can git gud too!

 

In the following sections, I will share my sage advice on how to git gud in haphazard fashion. All of it is solid advice. They are the culmination of the insights granted to me by God Emperor Dio Brando (Blessed Be His Holy Sands) and processed into text form using my Mensan Intellect, so that it can be understood by disbelievers with more limited mental faculties.

 

Without further ado, I present to you "Kemal's Guide on How to Git Gud."

 

Getting the basics right

 

Politics and War is not a very complicated game as far as nation simulators go. Once you learn the correct city build, you are good to go. The question is, do you know the correct city build? What about your alliance mates? I mean everyone. Did you check? Are you sure? Really? Check again. There you go...

 

Although any competent player should know this, here is the optimal city build: 1 Nuclear Power Plant, 1 Police Station, 1 Subway, 3 Banks, 3 Shopping Malls, 2 Stadiums. Add Recycling Centers on top so that pollution is never above 30s. Once that's done, if your disease rate is still quite high, throw in a hospital. The remaining slots will be shared between military buildings and profit buildings. Your alliance leadership tells you how many military buildings to have and of what kind at any given time. If they are not doing this, they are incompetent; sack them.

 

There is only one criterion to pick profit buildings: What is the net benefit I get per slot? There are many google spreadsheets around calculating these for you. If your alliance doesn't have one, your econ guy sucks. Sack him.

 

You will build only and only according to the order of profitability. PROFIT PER SLOT >>>>>>>> SELF SUFFICIENCY. Self sufficiency in a resource isn't worth jackshit, because you already need to have vast stockpiles of everything in your war-chest in any case. Produce the more profitable shit to buy more of what you need. Learn to use the market. This is called efficiency. The opposite is called ignorance and/or laziness.

 

An important consideration in determining profitability is also about which projects you have. Which brings us to the next section...

 

Do you have the right projects?

 

As long as you are not one of the top nations, having an Iron Dome is a no-brainer. It prevents your enemies from eating away your infra in the wars with cheap missiles even if they are losing half the time. This is the only mandatory project, and its value diminishes as you move to the top.

 

Nuclear Research Facility and Missile Launch Pads aren't worth much. It's fun to lob missiles at stupid people without an Iron Dome when you have the MAP to spare, but we are assuming that you are reading this guide to git gud, and your opponents are most likely not so clueless as to not have Iron Dome. So just forget it. There are better projects. Nukes? I won't even comment on them. They are a loser's weapon, only to be used if your whole side is wrecked. We are trying to make you git gud, so drop that one as well. It's only really effective against great whales with 2500+ infra or so, and even then it's arguable due to giving your enemy beige-shield.

 

The two other projects that are militarily worthwhile are the Intelligence Agency and the Propaganda Bureau. I think they are good, but I would probably rank them as equivalent or a little bit worse than the best econ projects. Opinions vary.

 

As far as econ projects go, it depends on the market prices, and how long you can wait to break-even on your capital. The steel and gas projects have been quite profitable for a long while. The projects for alum and mun also show up sometime. Some people swear by the uranium project, but that requires you to be on a particular continent. Then there is the farm project: This is great if you have a lot of land per city (2500+), but because of this, it has a great initial investment cost. It's more suitable for whales. So is the commerce project -- it's value per day is great, but it's so expensive that it takes a great while for it to pay back the initial investment. It was 200+ days for my 15 city, 1700 infra nation. Lastly, there is the cheap infra project. It's return is higher if you enter an alliance war very frequently, which is true for me. Still I would rank it below the gas and steel projects.

 

Forget about the Vital Defense System. You should be clever enough not to have very high infra per city in the first place. A nuke in a war is something you thank your opponent for; not a curse. It's a 5-day beige shield that protects you from counters. Cool stuff.

 

Warchest mother-!@#$er, do you have it?

 

Does your alliance have personal warchest guidelines? No? Sack your internal affairs and econ guy. These guidelines should be according to the number of cities you have. Your infra is irrelevant. You need at least 1500 gas and mun per city, steel worth 2 full rebuilds of max tanks, alum worth 3 full rebuilds of max planes, food and uranium equal to 40 days of consumption, industry inputs worth 20 days of consumption (like oil for gas production, etc). Does that sound like too much? No, it isn't too much. It is why you need to git gud, son.

 

Once you abide by these requirements, you don't fear any blockade. So you don't need to build ships, ever. The ships are only good for one thing: Feeding my ships sunk stat. So if you are fighting me, please build ships. Thanks :*

 

Growth - wide, tall, warchest

 

When you are out of a war, you first build your cities up to 1500 infra at least. That's a good number. Whales can go a little higher depending on city count. Next you replenish your warchest. Only after you finish replenishing the warchest can you buy a new city. I mean this. That additional city will be worth jackshit if you get caught with your pants down, and the your warchest is your pants. Don't keep it down.

 

If you have more than 2000 infra, you are either stupid, or expect to go to war biannually or something. If you want to git gud, you will enter wars frequently. So don't be stupid. Go wide, not tall. Or you will cry when your enemies come for your infra and rek it in seconds.

 

You have to be at max military when the war starts

 

What the title says. You need max soldiers, planes, and tanks. No, the t$ strategy of just planes would not work against a clever enough opponent. Don't be a skrub, militarize in time.

 

!@#$ activity, how does it work?

 

Now that we are done with the micro details, now we can move on to the macro-stuff -- what the alliance leaders ought to know about. The first thing is activity. You want your members to be well-informed, and ready to militarize and jump into action in a blink. You do this by keeping them engaged, not by whining about how inactive your members are a la Clarke of DEIC. Do whatever you need to do. Engage them on the forums with stuff beyond P&W, learn ways to contact them besides forums and in-game means, even create fake drama or hold internal elections or referenda to keep them engaged. Let them shitpost on the OWF if that's what it takes to keep them engaged. If they are not active, your numbers mean nothing. If you think you cannot achieve this as a leader, you are not a leader. You are just occupying the seat that is meant for a leader. Resign.

 

Inter-alliance politics

 

Now, there are too many things to be said here, but I will just touch briefly on important details:

 

- Do not elect egotistical pricks as your leader or foreign affairs guy. Yeah we had Pfeiffer and did alright, but that's because we're Mensa. You are not Mensa.

- Do not start a war if your sphere is both weaker and worse at activity. Wait for the other side to crack, or try to convince neutrals to back your side.

- Do not try a sneak attack if your sphere is worse at activity. See: last war.

- Stay true to your word, else you won't be trusted, and only be used as a meatshield in the future.

- Sign peace when it is profitable to do so -- but only after receiving the consent of all your allies.

- Learn math. Seriously.

- Track the militarization percentages of all alliances all the time. That's how you avoid sneak attacks.

 

Intra-alliance politics

 

- Choose people based on competence, not friendships or popularity. If you are favoring someone because of reasons other than merit, your alliance is already on its way to the Orbis dumpster.

- Kick inactives. They are deadweight.

- Do not accept war-evaders and pacifists. They are deadweight.

- Make sure all your alliance members know how to use IRC properly. They need a proper IRC client, and have their automated shit ready, so that they can get online with a click.

- Make war plans and assign targets before war. That's just half the job, though. Be ready to juggle people into the slots when the attackers go MIA and leave their team alone. This is a tough job, but once you learn how to do it properly, the skill carries over into the future.

- Do all your members abide by all the micro-details I mentioned? No? You are not doing your job right.

- Don't leak. Alliance leadership has to be 100% reliable. The membership gets info on a need-to-know basis. Anyone who leaks is to be kicked and exposed without question.

 

Praise Dio

 

This is the most important point. In order to truly git gud, you must wash yourself in the holy sands of Pakistan, and swear eternal allegiance to God Emperor Dio Brando. Crush snow at every possibility, or even better, cover it with holy sand. Read the Book of Dio three times a day, and don't forget to wash your hands. And don't be a Sweede. That's pig-disgusting.

 

 

ZA WARUDO!

 

Kemal Ergenekon

High Priest of Dio

 

[Kurdanak]

 

But really, this is pretty cool.

Edited October 4, 2016 by Kurdanak

[Buorhann]

Seriously, we follow all of this and then some extra stuff behind the scenes.  So peer into the world of Mensa and git gud.

 

Also, sack your leaders if they're not doing their jobs ( I'm looking at you Roy Mustang.  Pass off the position to Eumirbago please ).  We want all alliances to get better.

[Harrison Richardson]

The light of Dio shines upon this thread and all of its inhabitants.

 

Except pig disgusting Rose swine.

[greatkitteh]

No.

 

Just no

[Buorhann]

No.

 

Just no

 

Double Spaniard alert.

[greatkitteh]

Double Spaniard alert.

Steveism > Dioism

[dmjohnston]

Kemal is a beautiful man.

 

Praise Dio.

[Buorhann]

Kemal is a beautiful man Turk.

 

Praise Dio.

 

FYP.  Turks are entirely different.  He's a unique snowflake here.

[LordRahl2]

No.

 

Just no

 

"tell us how to git gud"..."here is how"..."that's not how you do it!"....

 

k

[Yosodog]

Sad that this has to be posted. I thought it was all common sense smh.

 

Good guide. Maybe it'll make the game more interesting with less morons running alliances.

[Prefontaine]

I take offense to inter-alliance politics bullet #1

[LordRahl2]

Also, sheepy posted the battle sims.  You can use them if you want to.

[Spite]

Praise Dio every day

[rainy sunday]

[Big Brother]

And don't be a Sweede. That's pig-disgusting.

 

This is the most important lesson of them all.

[Ole]

Devoting you'r life to Khorne works too.

Tho he might not accept you.

If interested contact you'r local Khonite priest and/or chaos cultist.

[Vack]

Actually a really good guide. Cool.

 

[Prefonteen]

I take offense to inter-alliance politics bullet #1

 

Same.

 

[Sisyphus]

@everyone

[Doktor Avalanche]

Pretty decent. Pretty basic.

Basic is good.

[Kastor]

People won't use this because they refuse to swallow their pride and admit that they're terrible. Let's hope a few people use this.

[Donald Trump]

People won't use this because they refuse to swallow their pride and admit that they're terrible. Let's hope a few people use this.

You speaking about yourself? 

[durmij]

You speaking about yourself? 

You quite literally don't play them game. The only reason your presence is tolerated here is poor mod practices.

[Donald Trump]

You quite literally don't play them game. The only reason your presence is tolerated here is poor mod practices.

GPA don't play the game either if we apply a very tight definition of "playing the game".