Ours is the Fury

[Tenages]

 

 

 

 

 

An Announcement from House Baratheon
and the Great Snek Lord

It is with heavy heart and deep sorrow that I put these words before Orbis today. Recently, after a long and fruitful reign as King of Seven Kingdoms, I came to realize that SK was not enough for me. Through commune with the Seven, I had ascended to a higher plane. After much thought, and consultation with my dear friend and blood brother, Partisan the most Unholy, I realized my calling. I had to leave the Seven Kingdoms, and move on to my true purpose -- taking the wealth of the world and showering it in my leavings as Partisan and I built a Great Snek Empire that would span all of Orbis and last Ten Thousand Years.

But I would never leave Seven Kingdoms vulnerable, and without the firm hand of a great leader. Having no true-born children, I consulted the Septons, the Maesters, and prayed to the Father for wisdom to guide my choice. And then, like a thunderbolt from a clear blue day, my prayers were answered. The Father revealed to me the one true choice as my heir: Pfeiffer: Baron of House Qorgoyle, Lord of the Desert Marches. And so I proclaimed him my successor, and sailed off into the Smoking Sea to seek the Elixir of Ultimate Duplicity -- the missing ingredient in completing the ultimate triumph of Partages.

Yet the hearts of men are ever fickle and corruptible, prone to evil and betrayal. While taking a respite in Braavos, it became apparent to me that a cloud of darkness has descended upon Westeros. Petty, grasping, desperate men have thrown the realm into turmoil, seeking power they have not earned, and that they lack bearing to yield. From the East, Cody K of the calumnious Blackyfyres returns, bringing fire and death to reignite his fraudulent claim. Even ever loyal and honorable men such as Mikey have been led astray by the wicked -- in his case by Sabriel, who once again proves the Boltons to be ever treacherous and unworthy.

This state of affairs cannot be tolerated. There is one true King of the Seven Kingdoms, anointed by the Seven, Dio, and Khorne, crowned by the Royal Proclamation. Pfeiffer is the one true King of the Seven Kingdoms. All who deny it are our foes.

Diplomacy and peaceful resolution were attempted, and rebuffed. These false pretenders have chosen the ultimate treachery -- forceful rebellion against the rule of not just one, but two rightful Kings. They are declared Anathema and damned to the deepest of the Seven Hells. The Father will have no mercy on their souls, and We shall have no mercy on those who persist in treachery. Surrender, and your lives may be spared.

Persist in this treachery, and your lives will be forfeit, your lands plundered, and your women ravaged. Arrgh and the Iron Islanders will be permitted to rampage through your lands unchecked. Fire, torment and death on a scale never before witnessed will be unleashed upon you.

With the blessings and approbation of the Seven Who Are One, War is hereby declared on all knaves in rebellion against the rule of Pfeiffer, First of his name, Archduke of House Qorgoyle, King of the Andals, the Rhoynar, and of the First Men, Lord of the Seven Kingdoms, Protector of the Realm. All loyal men and allies are exhorted to lay waste to the pretenders.

Signed: Tenages, Archduke of the House Baratheon,
G.V.O., Plotter of Plots, Leaker of Leaks,
Hammer of the Seven, One-Half of Partages

 

Edited April 2, 2016 by Tenages

[Jasmine]

[Brooklyn666]

 didn't even have to squint to read this. Pure garbage.

[Mikey]

Oh that I should live to see such slander and treachery from one once so noble! Long ago we fought together to oust the Tyrant Lionheart Targaryan, forsaken by Gods and Men. Today you prove yourself a worthy heir to his tainted legacy! Today you would use your influence to hoist upon the realms a foreign king and turn your back on the Seven. Does your perfidy know no bounds?

 

I say no barbarian is fit to sit the Iron Throne! Once, long ago, we were subdued from the east. Then, as now, we were disunited. But the men of the Reach have not sat idle - We have learned the lessons of the past and will not see the Andals subjugated once more! We will march to meet this and all other armies standing in our way. The blood if your eastmen will be the ink to write out Glory on the pages of history!

Edited April 2, 2016 by Mikey

[Areton Chashul]

The usurper Brooklyn has seized the Iron Throne from King Valdoroth. Once again, the Seven Kingdoms are at war!

[Ekejen Luish]

Ok are these DoWs serious or April Fools? I guess will see tomorrow

[Prefonteen]

Ambition is a dangerous trait. It obscures the mind and corrupts the soul. It is through chaos, death, treachery and manipulation that the ambitious seperate themselves from the common man. Elevate themselves and rise in station. The ladder must be climbed at all cost in the game of power. Those who lose; those who fall from the ladder perish. I have long watched from the shadows as the Seven Kingdoms enveloped itself in the powerstruggles which vacuums create. It often results in A chaotic carnage of deceitful machinations being played out in rapid succession. It is the theater of the wicked, and on these theaters there are no victors. Only actors.

 

One such actor was Tenages, first of his name. My chaotic blood brother. As he descended from his status as unrivaled leader of the kingdoms, he sought refuge in my sanctuary of snakes. And so the unholy Partages union was forged. A union that will last a thousand years, swallow kingdoms and rule the known world with an iron fist. So it was prophesized by the children of the forest. And tonight, the union makes its first step to reclaim what is rightfully ours. As various ambitious men bathe their swords in the blood of their rivals, one can only observe that the anguished screams of unwitting citizens being murdered in the streets ironically announce the coming of this new era. 

 

Blackfyre. Baratheon. Tyrell. They are but footnotes in the Partages agenda. Meaningless names to be whiped away with the single stroke of a pen, should it so be desired.  They quarrel for rights that are not theirs. They plot for power they can not wield. Their ambition blinds them. Their arrogance leads them on to delusions of grandeur. They are not fit to rule. Only to serve. These men believe to leverage the chaos. They believe to master it, but they shall soon be swallowed by the very device they sought to command. For Partages is chaos. Partages is power.

 

With this in mind, The $yndicate pledges its full support to the benevolent and charismatic Pfeiffer.

 

-Partisan, Unholy Snake

[Mikey]

You speak as all barbarians do, with bluster and viciousness. But all your Bravado cannot match the force of a single Westerosi spearman! You speak of your battlefield glories, but what do you know of true conquest? The legacy of the Reach is that of the Andals! We crossed the western Sea to fell the First Men and subdue a continent! We setup seven Mighty Kingdoms upon this land, the envy of all men. Not all the gold and jewels of the Free Cities and eastern dominions you call home can match the value of a single paved brick in Old Town! From our soil grew the economic and military foundation of a mighty empire, and from it shall again Spring an army to subdue the world of men. Once, disunited, we were conquered. But your Dragons are gone and soon the noble Banners of Westeros will flock to me, their rightful King, and together shall put to flight all pretenders and foreign Tyrants. You shall learn the fury of one who stands above millions, below only Seven.

 

Bring your gold, your mercenaries and your "Dio" -  we shall see how they fare against Andal steel.

Edited April 2, 2016 by Mikey

[Kurdanak]

Ok are these DoWs serious or April Fools? I guess will see tomorrow

Nah, all legit. They're just keeping true to the cluster!@#$ theme of ASoIaF/GoT.