Totally drunk, but I seriously made an account in game and forums just for you. Three things:
First, you totally got trolled by that witch into committing game suicide. Congratulations. *golfclap*
Second, you're essentially done here, you've rolled your reputation into the ground and you're better off rerolling. You probably have friends or people who at least sympathize for you, and if you're serious about playing this game you're better off rerolling, then finding shelter with them, and seeing what they can do for your career development. Third, as I mentioned before and elsewhere, don't be discouraged. You've obviously made a lot of mistakes, you've played things the wrong way. When Estelle says, you're better off not being leadership, she's right, but only for the short term. Take a break, find some mentors, analyze your faults, and make improvements. I think you have some potential and if you choose to play this game seriously, you should be capable of learning and fixing your faults. But that means that first, you have to acknowledge your limitations, and then actively work towards fixing them. It's hard to do, and it's not for everyone. As we mentioned on IRC, it might be better for you just to try something else.
Since I decided to make this post, I see that Guardian has given you a protectorship, half for lulz, and half to screw with BoC. I was then told that it was fake, then I was told it was real. In the latter case, there are three possible outcomes. The first is that Guardian finds out that you are too much of a liability even to achieve laughs at BoC's expense. That is, what I think many people here would consider probable, but I am an optimist.
The second is that you hover around the game in mediocrity and irrelevance, or you end up merging into Guardian. That's not a particularly good outcome, but it's preferable to the first. The third is that you take this last opportunity that has been granted to you and you make something out of yourself, but as mentioned above, you need to make many changes in your leadership style in order to achieve that.
I still strongly suggest that you find a mentor who's willing to take you in, and reroll. That, I think, has the best expected return, and can deliver the best average outcomes for you, but as I said in IRC, I commend you for trying to do things the hard way, by keeping your user identity. If you absolutely must insist on retrying an alliance, you are, in my view, not objectively qualified to lead an alliance and you must seriously look for advice and guidance and you must be willing to learn how to do things right.
I wish you the best of luck, but whatever happens next is your own responsibility. That is, I think, the wonderful thing about life, and you should embrace it.