丂ħ̧i̧₣ɫ̵γ͘ ̶™

I've been dry from alcohol for a week. It doesn't make you feel better. Slightly less tired, but honestly it turns you from daily sad feels to hateful, vengeful, and explosive. I guess my default personality is out.

A new record

You might be wondering why I chose to come back with one less thunderbolt in my name. The fact is, if lightning strikes twice, it didn't do it's job the first time.

To my bruddas, it's been 1 year since we starting patrolling and regulating ****s. Word filter might have gotten rid of the word, but we were the reason it got filtered. 

o/

>When you have a lit af Thursday and end it with schnitzel a la holstein.

A true alcoholic's weekend starts Thursday (Thirsty Thursday) and ends Monday (Post-Game). Wednesday is the pre-game and warm-up. (check if any taps ran dry or the drink menu was updated.)

I am the reason credits are so damn expensive. The Eskimos have 11 words for me, but there's only 1 name: Shifty

I am a stranger to none.

I've become the ultimate lifeform. I drank 6 beers and blew a 0.00 on a breathalyzer. 

I've become the alcohol, I am perpetually lit.

You are communist Uganda

I think I'm officially an alcoholic.

As the good samaritan that I am, I've been delivering freshly harvested organs to local ERs.

How many lives have you changed?

>When making Uranium and Steel get your pollution to:

Pollution Index:

666 points

Felsteel boiiiiii

Rev up those hell forges

I just turned 25. 

I'm too old for memes.

I hereby declare Frederick and Thorin my heirs to the meme throne.They have proven themselves time after time. It's been an honor.

Soon to be added to my wiki: How Shifty was reborn as Lucifer

After the mass nuking of Pantheon, Shifty's body was heavily irradiated and slowly dying. He continued to nuke and missile strike those around him. After there was nothing, Shifty imploded and was consumed by a bright bluish white light and everything around him was slowly being pulled into space. The rift threw him into darkness and for weeks he spent his days contemplating all his actions. He saw his entire existence; the good, the bad, and that which never was. Through the darkness he saw all his potential opportunities, all of which of course, were missed. As he finally gave up and found solace in the warp, he found himself tumbling through space. Of course, it was not space, for space a cold vacuum with intense radiation. Instead, Shifty found himself surrounded by a heavy air that he found difficult to breathe, but no need to exhale. He could walk in any direction, but was weightless and there was no dimensional axis. He simply existed. 

There he saw himself enveloped in light and reached out. He heard a voice tell him, "this is not the end, this is but the beginning for you, it is the end for all others." He found himself born again.

Shifty now arose not as Shifty Stranger, but as what he was always meant to be, the great deceiver of nations. His otherworldly origin now was not just a fluke or paranormal, but preordained and prophetic. He had returned to deliver his people as...

Lucifer Morningstar

Animals turn food into shit, but no animal turns shit into food.

Tell me the last time you saw a cow shit out a supreme pizza w/ extra mushroom.

Case Closed.

Do you hear that? Trump wasn't  impeached his first year.  Here's to 7 more years of Making America Great Again.

Should I spend my New Year's with a thot?

>when a married chick hits on you in front of her husband

nothing like seeing a married chick keep talking to you like you're the intellectual mind of the century while her husband tries to strong arm shake hands and slap you on the back only to be brushed off and ignored at a bar while you introduce her to new beers and talk her ears off. Then have her wave at you while her husband is angry he had to wait while she ended her convo and the fact she flirted with me. 

I have done it thot patrol bois. I'm officially a pro.

For the New Year, I'm kicking it off with extra edge.

My New Years Resolution is 1080p 60 fps if I use the proper camera. Ayyy.

>When you manage to find enough beer, wine, and liquor to get you hungover while drunk.

It all worked out, Christmas this year wasn't too bad.

>When you have nothing to be happy about and to make matters worse, most bars are closed on Christmas Eve/Day.

Wew, looks like my liver is gonna survive this winter again.

Jesus Christ, I'm lit. I gotta wake up in 4 hours.

So many people have Santa Christmas avatars, but they fail to forget that Christmas is built on the labor of worker elves and gnomes. They are the unrecognized and forgotten backbone of Santa's village.