A Man, A Plan, Ayyy Lmao, A Play - Pt. 1
Entry posted by TheNG ·
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Well, as we've just had another war, I am apparently contractually obligated to make another one of these. It is a little late, so my apologies, and I thought I'd post it here, so to avoid getting lost in some thread somewhere, plus give this blog a little more reason for existence. Can you tell I'm running out of titles? We need a name for this war so I can make fun of it.
For those of you unfamiliar with the alliances and situations present in TheNG's historically accurate theatrical universe, I recommend reading over my two previous works, the first of which is also on this blog, and the second or which I should get around to putting on here.
Anyway, without further ado....
A Man, A Plan, Ayyy Lmao, A Play
Written by: TheNG
Edited by: TheNG
Starring:
Guardian as itself
Seven Kingdoms
Viridan Entente as itself
The Syndicate as itself
World Wrestling Federation as itself
Mensa HQ as itself
Rose as itself
The Dutch East India Company as itself
Act 1
Scene 1 - A small park near a major road.
Scene: Sheepy pushes a child down the slide, while other children run around the equipment. Guardian and Seven Kingdoms swing around on a swing set.
Guardian
You know, I'm still angry.
Seven Kingdoms
What now? Is it the guy at the supermarket again? I'm telling you, they don-
Guardian
No, not that. I'm still mad VE got all the credit for taking down GPA. We saved the world, and no one knows. I've had 100% less contact with approving fangirls than I can tolerate.
Seven Kingdoms rolls eyes
Seven Kingdoms
Well, technically, DEIC and UPN stole the credit from us, then VE stole the credit from them.
Guardian
Shut up! Listen, I'm gonna go teach VE a lesson! You want to participate in my glorious triumph?
Seven Kingdoms
​I really should stop agreeing to this, but fine. How about this time I come up with the plan. Your's often leave a lot to be desired.
Guardian
WHAT?! Slander! Take it back!
Seven Kingdoms
Well, uhh...
Guardian
*sweetly*
Take it back and I'll let you plan the war!
Seven Kingdoms
Fine, fine. You're a tactical genius.
Guardian smiles smugly
Seven Kingdoms
Alright, VE has quite the posse, so we're going to need some assistance. Preferably big and stupid, maybe bloodthirsty as well. To absorb the hits.
Guardian
I know, we can call Terminus Est and Rose! They'll help us! Get the gang back together!
Seven Kingdoms
Well, TEst is at that yoga retreat, and we haven't talked much to Rose ever since it got put in the special needs section. I guess we can try.
Guardian
How about Dutch East India Company? They're kind of cool.
Seven Kingdoms
Alright, I can ask them. You call Rose.
Seven Kingdoms pulls out its phone and calls The Dutch East India Company, while Guardian calls Rose
Seven Kingdoms
So, how about it? VE stole all our thunder, you in?
The Dutch East India Company
*via phone speaker*
I'd love to help you guys, but I can't make it. I've in the emergency room right now. Turns out you can sniff to much cumin. Who knew? Anyway, if they let me out soon, I'll drop by.
Seven Kingdoms
Alright, thanks. Bye.
Seven Kingdoms ends the call, and Guardian does the same on its phone.
Seven Kingdoms
So, how did it go with Rose?
Guardian
Rose said it come over and help us. They'll be here soon!
Seven Kingdoms
Alright, that makes one. We're probably going to need some more help. Lets walk around a little, see if we can find someone.
End Scene 1
Act 1
Scene 2 - A Semi-Busy Street
Scene: The street is lined on one side with buildings, and on the other with bushes. Cars pass down the road occasionally, and alliances appear and walk down to sidewalk at a similar rate. Sheepy plays a saxophone for donations. Guardian and Seven Kingdoms sit down on a bench, and talk to passers-by. Eventually a disheveled alliance in a dirty coat with a flag draped around it approaches.
Seven Kingdoms
Let's ask that one.
*loudly*
Excuse me! You there, do you have a minute?
The alliance turns around excitedly and dashed over excitedly. It grabs Seven Kingdom's hand firmly and begins shaking very rapidly. The alliance practically shakes with energy, and Seven Kingdoms looks uncomfortable. Sand falls from the sleeves of the alliance.
Mensa HQ
*rapidly and excitedly"
HI! Always a pleasure to meet another alliance. My name is Mensa HQ and I'm a genius! I'm also new here. Have you heard about our lord and savior Dio? Really cool guy!
Seven Kingdoms manages to free its hand and slowly backs up
Seven Kingdoms
Uhh.... Hi..... Um, so Mensa HQ, pleasure to meet you. I'm Seven Kingdoms, and this is Guardian.
Guardian waves. Mensa HQ strides over and begins shaking Guardian's hand very firmly as well
Mensa HQ
*eagerly and rapidly*
I'm so excited! I'm so happy to meet to you guys, no one wants to talk to me here, but now we're best friends!
Guardian
*anxiously*
How many coffees did you drink this morning? Am I right?
Mensa HQ
*eagerly and rapidly*
It's not coffee, the doctors say I have hyperactivity! It's where you're always on, focused and ready to do stuff! It's why I'm so smart!
Seven Kingdoms
Umm, alright. Anyway, Mensa, we're looking to right a wrong and take down a new tyrant, you want to help?
Mensa HQ
​Sure! Where I come from I'm always fighting! It's how I got these scars!
Mensa HQ indicates the bulbous growths on its face.
Seven Kingdoms
Are you sure those are scars? Anyway, glad to have you onboard. Once Rose shows up, we'll be all set. We'll defeat VE, get our fame back, and then go out for victory snacks!
Guardian
None of us have any money.
Seven Kingdoms
Eh, after we take VE down, we can shake Rose down for some change. Rose always has quarters stuck in the weirdest places. It'll be no problem.
Mensa HQ
I like Ice Cream!
Seven Kingdoms
Hm.. I should plan this stuff more often. This is going great! Now nothing is going to stop us.
Viridian Entente, The Syndicate, and World Wrestling Federation rise from behind a bush
Viridian Entente
*nastily*
Well well well. If it isn't Guardian and Seven Kingdoms! Plotting to take me down are you? And with such trash alliances too. Where did you find that thing, the homeless church?
​This is even more pathetic than your last "coalition"! Maybe you should learn that you can't outsmart Viridian Entente!
The Syndicate and World Wrestling Federation chuckle. Seven Kingdoms, Guardian, and Mensa HQ look on in shock
Guardian
YOU!
Seven Kingdoms
What?! But how did you find out? Nobody knew, our security was perfect!
Viridian Entente
*triumphantly*
Hahah! Looks like you have a leak! Pick your associates more closely next time fool!
Seven Kingdoms clenches its fist and looks at the sky in rage
Seven Kingdoms
*angrily and loudly*
RAGNAR!!
Viridian Entente
*confused*
Actually.... it was Guardian. They posted it all over social media.
Seven Kingdoms and Mensa HQ look at Guardian, who takes a selfie, then puts its phone away
Guardian
​What? I had to build up some media hype for the big takedown. You know, get our story out, build up some buzz, so when we do win we'll be known as the guys who took down GPA!
​Seven Kingdoms facepalms
Seven Kigndoms
AUUGH! EVERY... TIME....
Guardian
Ohh, we're trending!
enter Rose
Seven Kingdoms
Oh! Rose, you're here! Help us take down VE!
Viridian Entente
Not so fast!
Viridian Entente strides over to Rose and stands beside it
Viridian Entente
Guess who found out you guys were going to take its money after you were done? Rose right here. Rose is on my side now, is there anything you would like to say?
Rose
When do I get to have teatime with the cat?
Viridian Entente
Umm... Anyway. Looks like the tables have turned!
*To The Syndicate and World Wrestling Federation*
Let's make this quick. I've got a photoshoot all lined up for winning another war! I must be in the 500s by now...
Seven Kingdoms
You may have tricked Rose, but we're still going to crush you. GET THEM!
Mensa HQ
I'm new to this, but I can still kill things! I love it here!
Guardian and Seven Kingdoms let out screams and tackle Viridian Entente. Mensa HQ bellows an inhuman war cry and jumps on World Wrestling Federation. The two alliances roll away punching each other. The Syndicate stands away from the fighting, watching calmly, while Rose looks on confusedly, then falls over
Viridian Entente
*In between punches*
Syndicate! Come...... Over here.... and help me..... you fool!
The Syndicate
​I'm still analyzing the risk and reward benefits of this. Capitalism is a complicated system, these things take time.
Viridian Entente
GAAAAAH
Guardian
Your crushed skull will look great with a filter!
Seven Kingdoms
You may have found us out, but that won't stop this beatdown! Fool THIS!
Viridian Entente manages to throw off Guardian and Seven Kingdoms and runs around chased by the two alliances
Viridian Entente
If you won't help Syndicate, then at least call in our backup!
*To itself*
This slaughter is just beginning.....
End Act 1
There we go, the first epic first act of an epic business venture. The second act will be up shortly, exclusive to here only. Tell a friend, or don't, but thanks to all who read this, hopefully you guys like it.
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